Last Time
by Rachel Lynn
Summary: Revision. Taishiro. Tai and Izzy have always been best friends, but they've both been keeping secrets... **FINISHED**
1. Default Chapter

Digimon isn't mine

Digimon isn't mine...  
  
I decided to go back and revise this fic to (hopefully) make it a better, less screwy story. X_x I initially took it down because I wasn't at all satisfied with the way that latter chapters had turned out. So, with a _ton of help from Kymaera-san, I went back and rewrote, and revised. Also, there aren't many changes (although I think some of the minor changes are a bit important to the plot…) in this chapter or in the next. (Someone, who shall remain nameless, suggested that I release this revision one chapter at a time…it sounded like a good idea to me. ^-^;;) Some things just worked with what was going on in this, so it's still set in Florida, and that's still an idea I originally got from S1ncer1ty-san. Izzy's sixteen (almost seventeen) while Matt and Tai are eighteen. Joe's twenty. _

This fic is dedicated to Kymaera-san for having the utmost patience with me and this fic. (Are you sure you aren't a saint? ^-^;;) Thank you soooo much!! ^-^ And to everyone who reviewed the first time, thank you soo much!! (If you can't remember if you reviewed or not, or what you said, I do plan on adding a sixth chapter that has the old reviews in it…) Okay, now that I've bored everyone senseless…here's the first chapter. ^-^;; 

****

**Last Time   
  
  
**

"Tai, you know. I've been rethinking your initial idea of going to this party, and I've come to the conclusion that maybe it wasn't such a..."  
  
"Ah man, Izzy. Calm down. You'll be fine, and this'll be fun. Just relax. Natalie throws a good bash." He punches me lightly on the shoulder and then wraps his arm around my neck. I wish I could be as confident about tonight as he is. "Now, let's go party!" He adds as he abruptly releases me from the headlock and reaches out to ring the doorbell.  
  
I can hear the music wafting in from the backyard, and I can hear shouts and splashing. Sending a quick prayer to whatever God resides above, I'm eternally thankful that we didn't know ahead of time that Natalie had a pool. The last thing I want to do is wear my swim trunks and show off my less than impressive physic to all the members of the senior class. I grimace. And girls think they have it bad with bikinis...

The oak front door swings open and Tai bounces forward with his usual exuberance and gives the dark haired girl a friendly hug. "Man, this place is hopping!" He shoots me a grin and then disappears into the house.   
  
I'm not going to panic. That would be stupid as well as illogical. These are my classmates. There's no earthly reason for me to feel out of place here. I see them everyday at school. This isn't that different. 

What the hell am I thinking? This is _completely _different.  
  
"Izzy? Izzy, are you gonna come in or what?" I yank my attention back to Natalie as she waits impatiently by the door. Oh God, I haven't even been here for five minutes and I've already screwed up.   
  
"Y...yeah. Yeah, sorry about that." I manage to stammer out as I walk through the door. My face feels hot, and I know I'm blushing. Turning I open my mouth to say something that at least sounds semi-intelligent to Natalie, but she's already walking in the other direction. I feel like an idiot standing here in the foyer. I _hate_ feeling like an idiot.   
  
Where the hell did Tai go? Trying not to look too obvious about it, I scan the living room, but I don't see him anywhere. That...that jerk, I think furiously. First he had to insist on dragging me here, and then he had to go and just ditch me at the front door. Some friend. What am I supposed to _do_? What does a person do at a party, other than stand around and talk about nothing?   
  
Calm down, I tell myself. You're a big kid. Socializing shouldn't be that hard at all, I've been to parties that the digidestined have thrown, and just like those parties, I know everyone. Taking a couple of self-conscious steps, I make my way over to the card table by the sliding glass door. There's a cooler sitting on the floor beside it, and I reach down to pull a Dr. Pepper out of the ice.  
  
"Hey! Um...Izzy right?" I turn to see one of my classmates peering down at me with a semi-confused look on his face. I hate being short. It's just that my stature seems to make everyone think that I'm still a kid, and it draws more attention than I'd like to the fact that I'm almost two years younger than everyone else here.   
  
"Yeah. Hi Mike." I manage to get out in my usual quiet voice. And that really irritates me as well, there isn't any reason in the world for me to feel intimidated by some big dumb jock whose neck is as thick as a telephone pole.  
  
"Dude, what are you doing here? I mean, don't you usually, I dunno...study or something?" He's not trying to intentionally be rude, I try and tell myself as I look up at him. There's nothing in his face to indicate that he's trying to be snide or unfriendly. He just looks...confused. Of course, for someone like him, I'm surprised that he even knows what the word "study" means, I think rather ungraciously. As long as he keeps scoring goals for the football team, they'll slide him through the system.   
  
"Well, I was planning on working on my latest theory of sub particle space and it's effect on the gases of the solar system, but I got dragged here so..."  
  


"Oh, look. Isn't that Jennifer over there? Sorry, Izzy. Gotta go." I watch as he leaves. Thank god. Moron. I pop open the Dr. Pepper and stare at it for a second. But who's the real moron? Him or me? At least he knows what to do around here. Me? I'm doing a really good impression of a potted plant.  
  
Uncomfortably, I shift on my feet as I stare out the sliding glass door. Where the hell is Tai, and how the hell could he do this to me?

Ah, now that's a particularly stupid question, I suppose. Squeezing my eyes shut, I rub my forehead for a second.   
  
In my best friend's mind, he's not doing anything out of the ordinary. For him, this is easy. Fun even. He doesn't have any problems blending in or adapting. In Tai's head, because he doesn't have any problems in social settings it just follows therefore that I don't either. He didn't ditch me on purpose; he just assumed that I would know what to do.   
  
Hesitantly, I open the sliding glass door and walk out into the hot humid night air. Looking over at the pool, there's got to be at least thirty kids in there yelling and screaming and laughing. There are a couple dozen more out in the backyard, jumping on and surrounding the trampoline.   
  
What am I supposed to do now? I try and take a calming breath, but it comes out as more of a shaky panicked sigh.  
  


Oh god. Why, oh _why_, did I let Tai talk me into this?  
  
***  
  


"Hey Izzy, watcha doing this Friday?" I look up from my laptop just in time to see Tai bite his lip as he punches the buttons on his controller.   
  
"Probably rent a couple of movies and watch 'em. I haven't had a chance to see 'The Phantom Menace' yet, and I want to know if it's a dumb as everyone says it is." I tell him, my lips quirking up as his face contorts in concentration and he punches the controller hard. If he could, I almost think he'd rather be inside the game physically defeating the bad guys himself instead of relying on a weak, puny controller. If he's not careful his fifth controller is going to meet the same fate the other four did. "Why?"  
  
"Huh?" He looks over at me, his face confused, and I can hear the death jingle for the video game sound as he takes his concentration off of it. "Ah man! Sheesh Izzy. I almost had that level beat too..."  
  
"Sorry." I tell him rather unapologetically. "Why do you want to know what I'm doing on Friday? Did you want to do something together or with the other digidestined or what?"   
  
He flops over on the carpeted floor of his family's computer room and he grins up at me. "Well, see Natalie's throwing a graduation party this weekend, and I figure, you know...we should go and all. It'll be fun and this'll be like the last time we see everybody in our class before we graduate and stuff."   
  
My decision was made the minute he said party. "No. No I don't think so, Tai. I'm just gonna hang out at home. You go on without me. You can get Matt or Sora to go with you." They'll enjoy the party more than I will. It's not that I hate everyone in my class or anything. There are a lot of nice people that I go to school with. I'd just rather leave my seeing them to the daytime school hours and keep the nights and the weekends to myself.   
  
Besides, it's not like they'll miss me or anything. I never really did fit into any of the little cliques. I know a couple of Sora's friends as well as Matt and Tai's, but that doesn't mean I'll subject myself to a night of uncomfortable, stilted small talk. Besides, wouldn't it be better to have someone amputate my legs without anesthesia? It would certainly be less painful.   
  
"Sora has to go to her grandparents for the weekend and Matt's band's got a gig downtown. C'mon, Izzy. Please?" He puts on that ridiculous pouty face of his and I raise an eyebrow to let him know that it won't work on me. I know him too well.   
  
"Forget it. Why don't you just go by yourself?"   
  
"I don't wanna go by myself." He whines. "C'mon Izzy, we can crash at my place afterwards and watch a couple of videos. Besides, it'll be more fun if you come along." I don't see how, I think to myself as he continues to give me the pouty face. What excitement am I going to add? I can see it now, I'll get nervous and start spouting something about thermal dynamics to a bunch of people who don't understand and don't care. Sorry. I've got better things to do with my time. Like pick lint off the carpet.   
  
"No way."   
  
"Don't be such a nerd. It's a graduation party. This'll be our last chance to hang out and have fun before we have to start worrying about summer jobs and college." I hesitate as he pleads with me. Nerd? Does...does he really think of me as a nerd?No, no that's just typical Tai slang... Right?   
  
"I don't know..." I say quietly.  
  
"C'mon, Izzy." Tai's voice takes on new enthusiasm as he realizes I'm waffling. "You can't spend your entire life behind that dumb laptop. Carpe Diem and all that jazz. Let's go seize this party." I shoot him a look that'll let him know just how stupid that sounded, but he doesn't care. Trying not to laugh, I shake my head 'no'. "Please? Do it for you best buddy, your good ol' pal?"  
  


"I don't see Tentomon around here."  
  
"No. _Me_, stupid." Tai shoots me a disgruntled glare and I laugh in his face right before he tackles me.   
  
"Alright. Alright. I'll go to the dumb party." I wheeze out ten minutes later after he's pinned me to the floor by sitting on my chest. Besides, it can't be that bad if he's there, right? Even if I don't know what to say or what to do with everyone else, I can always just hang out with him. He _is_ my best friend after all.   
  
***  
  
I skirt the edge of the pool and walk out the screen door into the backyard. Knowing Tai, he's probably jumping his heart out on the trampoline. His parents won't get one because they've heard that they can be dangerous, and knowing Tai, they were probably right to be worried. I imagine they figured that by taking the precaution of not getting one, they were saving themselves a hike in insurance costs. Tai's the only person I know who visits the emergency room on a monthly basis. He doesn't need anymore incentive--or help--in hurting himself. He does a perfectly fine job of it all on his own.   
  
It's too dark to see much, so I cautiously pick my way past a row of bushes and a couple trees. 'Tai?" I ask out loud as I realize that I'm never going to be able to recognize him in the dark.   
  
"I think he went over to the swing set with Claire and the rest," someone answers in the darkness. I pick my way past some palmettos and an oak tree. I can hear Tai's voice, but I can't see him. It's just too dark and there aren't any lights in the backyard. The pool area is glowing from behind me, but that just serves to make me blinder to my surroundings. My night vision never really was that great...  
  
"Your turn, Tai. Truth or Dare." I think that's Claire talking. I guess it doesn't matter. I know what Tai's going to say.   
  
"Truth." I hear him answer and I smile in the darkness. I cured him of saying 'Dare' when we were thirteen, and I've been strictly forbidden to mention the 'underwear incident' in his presence or in anyone else's. From Claire's groan though, I figure she'd been anticipating that he'd pick something other than 'Truth'.  
  
"Man, you're no fun, Tai." I can hear the little flirty pout in her voice. Tai thinks I'm nuts, but Claire is always hitting on him. He just can't see it. And he thinks _I'm_ dense. She slobbers all over him. It's _disgusting_. And yeah, I suppose it makes me a bit jealous...If he ever did get a girlfriend, chances are Tai'd never have much time to spend with me. But even if he had to go and get a girlfriend or something, he could do a _lot_ better than Claire. He deserves someone infinitely better than her. "Okay then, well why'd you have to bring Izzy here?" I swear I can almost see her roll her eyes, and I can definitely hear the disgust in her voice.  
  
"He's my best friend." The insulted tone of Tai's voice makes up for her stupid question in my head. Who cares what a ditzy dumb blonde thinks about me anyway, I tell myself as I try to shrug it off.   
  
"Oh c'mon, Tai. Get real. Why'd you really bring him? I mean, this is Izzy. He's not exactly a social animal. I'm sure he'd much rather be sitting at home doing all his homework for Monday. I mean, what a nerd, right?"  
  
"Hey! He really is my best friend."  
  
"No, seriously, Tai. Quit joking around. You and the rest of the guys are gonna pull a prank on him, aren't you? Let me in on it. Please? That kid needs to be taken down a peg or two. God, he is so arrogant."  
  
"He...he's not really that bad."   
  
"I may act like an idiot, but I'm not. Give me a break. Izzy always acts like he knows everything. He's so condescending. I'm surprised that you were the one that brought him here. I mean, I would have expected you, of all people, to be the first one to punch him when he started talking down to you."   
  
"He doesn't talk down to me that much." He sounds less than certain about that. In fact, I can recognize that tone. It's his 'I'm going to be polite and say this, even though I really don't think it's that true' voice.  
  
Oh god.   
  


I don't want to hear anymore. Swinging around blindly, I just start walking away. I misjudge the obstacles that I went around on the way back here though, and I run straight into the palmettos. Crashing down, I fall into them, and I guess that was just enough to make this too much to handle.   
  
Ignoring the scratches I now have running up and down my arms and legs from the barbs, I make a dash around the side of the house. Coming out on the street, all I can see are the rows of parked cars. Tai drove us here. It's too far for me to walk home.   
  
Stumbling, I make my way over to his beat up Toyota. He parked it half up on Natalie's nicely manicured lawn, so I slide down onto the grass and hang my head into my hands.   
  
I don't belong here and I know it. What did I honestly think was going to happen when I agreed to come here with Tai? I mean, what made me think that I'd be able to fit in? 'Oh, I'll just hang out with him'. What kind of a naive idiot am I?! Tai? Mr. Popularity hanging out with _me_? I should have known something like this was going to happen.   
  
Why is he best friends with me? We don't move in the same circles, and we don't have very similar interests. He's into soccer and sports and video games. I'm in the computer club. I mean, I have more in common with Joe than I do with Tai. So why does he hang out with me in the first place? It obviously isn't because of my social skills...  
  
Pity for the nerd? I suck in an angry breath at the thought. That's how he sees me, isn't it? He wasn't just joking around the other day. He really does think I'm this geeky computer guru who has nothing better to do with his time than do his homework on a Friday night.  
  
God. How stupid and utterly naïve could I be, right? We've been friends since the digital world. And yeah, back then he really might have thought of me as a best friend. But then I got bumped up into his grade, and Sora and Matt already had too much to do than lead the little nerd around by the hand. So the duty fell to Tai.   
  
I sneer down at the ground and I watch a fire ant crawl up over my sock and onto my leg. I bet he laughs about it behind my back. Pale, geeky Izumi, right? Like anyone would seriously think that someone like Tai would actually be _my_ best friend.   
  
I'm an embarrassment to him. He runs with the bigger fish, but because I think he's my best friend, he's required to talk to me during school hours. Poor Tai, he's too nice to tell me to get lost.   
  
The ant stings me, and irritably, I slap it. The scratches on my arms and legs are beginning to throb, but I ignore them.   
  
I don't expect people like Claire to understand why I talk to them the way I do. I mean, it's not like I'm ever going to go up to them and explain that the reason I spout all of that arrogance is because I feel so stupid standing next to them. It doesn't make much sense even to me, why would they understand?  
  
People like Claire have never had any problems just hanging out and talking about the latest gossip or the latest trends. They know instinctively what to do in any social situation. It's not hard for them. They've never stood at the corner of the cafeteria, lunch tray in hand, desperately searching for a friendly face to share the measly half hour with. They've never been the ones standing against the bleachers in gym, watching everyone else have a good time during the free hour. They've never sat in those dreadful fifteen minutes of homeroom praying for the goddamned bell to ring so they don't have to listen to the taunts of the jocks that sits around them.  
  
So I talk down to them. Why shouldn't I? It's my one opportunity to get back at them. To make them feel as tiny and as inadequate as I do. It's my one opportunity to poke a hole in _their_ egos. To take _them_ down a peg or two.  
  
But Tai. It all comes back to him, doesn't it? I thought he was my best friend, but he really isn't, is he? I...I never meant to talk down to him. He's never judged me. Sure, he's made a few snide comments about my laptop, but I thought he was kidding. He's never looked at me like I was some freaky little alien child from another solar system, and he's never given me that look of disgusted contempt that everyone else in our class seems to save especially for nerdy little me.   
  
Izzy. The short, pitiable social leper. God, I'm pathetic, right?   
  
Why did he insist on dragging me to this party? God, am I going to be able to keep even a tiny shred of dignity when they do decide to play a prank on me, or is it going to be one of those single-most-humiliating moments of my life?  
  
"Geez, Izzy. There you are. I've been looking all over the place for you. What are you doing out here?" I stare down at Tai's sneakers as he stands in front of me. I can't look up at him. If I did, he'd be able to tell that something was wrong. It's all I can do not to let the tears sneak out as it is. The last thing I want to see now is his pity.   
  
"I just came out to think." I mumble numbly.   
  
"Well come on back inside. Everyone's having a blast."  
  
"You go ahead. I'm fine out here."   
  
"Ah c'mon, Izzy. Don't be like this."   
  
"I'm serious, Tai. Just go back in there and have fun. I'm fine." I grind out behind gritted teeth. For a couple of tense moments, he just stands there and I stare at his stupid sneakers.   
  
"Something's wrong." He says finally. God damn him, anyway.  
  


"Tai, just leave me alone." I mutter.   
  
"Nah. This party's getting boring anyway, let's go back to my place." Of course, then he moves, and I can hear him swearing at his car door again. The lock sticks all the time. Finally, he gets it open, and I hear the lock pop open on the passenger side door behind me. If I weren't such a coward, I'd make him go back to the party. But for whatever reason, I think I'm getting a reprieve from the prank. On the other hand, I could be wrong and this is just the beginning of my humiliation and I'm walking willingly into it.   
  
I climb into the car, slam the door shut, and buckle up. I can't look over at him though, so I stare out the window instead. It's not like this is anything new for me. I get pensive a lot around him, so he won't know I'm onto him and this prank. 

God, I'm more than a little paranoid aren't I?   
  
Maybe he's just feeling sorry for me again.   
  
"Izzy?"  
  
"Hm?"   
  
"What happened?"   
  
"Nothing, why?"   
  
"You're just...nevermind. Listen...I'm sorry I dragged you to the party, I honestly thought it would be fun for you, too." Liar. I can't make myself look at him though as I think it.  
  
Watching the streets go by, I can at least comfort myself with the fact that he's decided not to help the others play that prank on me. We are going back to his place. I know the route well enough to tell.  
  
He pulls into his drive way and I almost cringe. Do I ask him to drive me home? Do I want to go home? Can't I just pretend that this night never happened?   
  
"Izzy?" I swing my head over to see that he's already gotten out of the car and he's waiting for me to do the same. Reluctantly, I unbuckle and climb out. "C'mon, Izumi. What happened?" he demands as he slides onto the hood of his car and leans back to look up at the stars.   
  
When I think of all the times he and I have just sat out here like this, just talking. Was that real? Or was he just humoring me then too? Slowly, I climb up onto the hood of his car, but I don't lean back like I usually do. Instead I just sit there, drawing my knees up against my chest and resting my chin on them.   
  
"Nothing happened. Why do you keep asking?" It's all I can do to keep my voice sounding neutral, there's a stubborn little hitch in it that keeps threatening to peep through. I thought he was my friend.  
  
"Cause I'm sure something did happen. You're a pretty crummy liar." He says, and I sneak a glance at him out of the corner of my eyes. He's got his hands behind his head and he's just lying there watching me.   
  
"Truth or Dare?" I ask.   
  
"Truth."  
  
"Why did you really take me to that party?" I can't look at him as I ask it, and I can feel the tears sneaking into my eyes again. Why am I doing this to myself? Why can't I just ask him to drive me home? Oh no, I've got to pick away at it and make him tell me the slimy truth. God, I never did know when to leave well enough alone.  
  
"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" He returns angrily. I can physically feel my stomach drop, and I can feel one of those stupid tears slip past my eyelid. Damn. I want to wipe it away, but I know he'd see...  
  
"Just give me an answer, okay?"   
  
"Because you're my best friend! Is that some kind of crime? Sheesh. I'm sorry if I'm not the kind of person that you'd have wanted for a best friend, but I think we've had some pretty great times together. I thought it would be fun. Crazy idea, I know. A party being fun, what was I thinking, right?"   
  
"Then why'd you ditch me the minute we walked through the door?" I snap.   
  
"Huh? I didn't ditch you. I thought you were behind me. When I stopped to turn around you weren't there, and when I went back to find you, you were already talking to Mike so I went outside to jump on the trampoline..."   
  
"And then you went to talk to Claire." I finish for him. He looks a tiny bit confused for a second, and then I can see the understanding dawning on his face.   
  
"Truth or Dare?" He asks me quietly and I glare at him. He just stares straight back at me though.   
  
"Dare." I say finally. I've had enough of the truth for one night.   
  
"Man, you've got balls." He laughs, and I roll my eyes. "If I were going to get even for that 'underwear incident', now would be a great time."  
  
"No one made you accept the dare." I point out. Of course, there's an irony there. Tai? Not accept a dare? Yeah, right. And the sun won't come up tomorrow.   
  


"My mother is never, _ever_ going to forgive me for going door to door in our neighborhood trying to sell her underwear."  
  
"C'mon Tai, what's the dare already?"   
  
"I dare you to kiss me." I swing my head around, and gawk at him in shock.   
  
"Excuse me?"I can feel my face flushing. He…he doesn't know, does he? I've never told him, I've never _acted_ that way towards _him_…have I? But if he doesn't know than why is he daring me to do something stupid like this? Is he making fun of me? Or is it that he just doesn't think I have the guts to do something like this?   
  
"You heard me." He smirks, and I can practically hear him calling me a chicken. So he doesn't think I'll have the guts to do it. So I'm just some kind of wussy, computer nerd who would never ever dare to rise to the challenge, right? I glare at Tai's smirking face for a moment, and then I lean over and grab a handful of his shirt in my hand. I'll show him.   
  
I bend over and lower my head until our foreheads are almost touching. He's still got that shitty-ass grin on his face. He honestly thinks I'll back out of the dare! That...that jerk! Just because I like learning things, and just because I spend a lot of time on the computer, it does not follow that I'm some weak willed nerd without a life or a sense of pride!  
  
Closing my eyes, I lean in the rest of the way and press my lips against his. And as I feel his hand brush against my cheek, I vow to myself that I'm definitely going to find a way to get even with him for screwing around with my feelings like this. 


	2. Chapter Two

Alright

"Patience"? I obviously don't possess it…^-^;;

Revision of chapter two…yeah, yeah, I know these two chapters didn't have a heck of a lot of revision in them. In fact, I think I changed all of six sentences in this chapter. I'm just a picky person occasionally. And there will be a _lot_ of changes in three and four and there'll be a chapter five. So there. *blows raspberries* X_x

And I still love seeing fanart pics of these two in Hawaiian shirts…it's just so cute! ^-^ *drools* 

******

_"Male friends do not always face each other: they stand side by side, facing the world." - Carolyn Heilbrun_

Tai's the first to break off the kiss, and he shoves me lightly back. Fumbling a little bit, I try to keep my balance on the Toyota's hood, which isn't necessarily the easiest thing in the world to do, but somehow I manage to right myself without falling ungracefully off his beat up car. Which is quite a feat in and of itself. I'm not known for my coordination. I don't end up in the ER all the time like Tai, but that's only because if I tried what he tries, I'd be dead. 

I glare at Tai. He's ignoring me though in favor of looking up at the stars. Blowing out a big, frustrated sigh I crawl over to my usual place on the hood and lean back like I usually do and follow his example. What just happened? 

Okay, maybe I know what just happened, but what did it mean? Why did he dare me to kiss him? 

Looking over at Tai, I can see him scowling at the sky and I can feel myself glaring at him. People should be like computer programs. If they were I'd be able to figure them out, but noooo...Stupid Tai and his stupid dares and his stupid parties...

"Let's dye our hair." I jerk around to stare at him, and he's got this huge semi-fake smile plastered on his face. Have I missed something? Okay, okay, maybe it was a given already that I missed something, but still. These weren't exactly the words I was expecting him to say next. 

"Excuse me?" I finally respond as I sit up and try not to look at him too incredulously. 

"Let's dye our hair. I know Kari has a bottle of peroxide in her bathroom from when she was trying to get up the guts to dye her hair blonde like Matt and TK's. Whadda ya say?" 

"You mean other than 'You're insane'?" I ask as I raise an eyebrow. He rolls his eyes, but waits for me to finish. "Why should we dye our hair?" I finally bite. Of course, at this point I'm really more interested in figuring out why he dared me to kiss him, but he'll dodge the question if I ask now. I know that much about him, at least. 

  


"Promise to listen to the whole thing before you shoot the idea down?" He asks with a frown. Reluctantly, I nod. "Well, I was thinking about the party and about how neither of us seemed to have had much fun there tonight." It looked like he was having fun to me. I can feel my brow furl a little bit in confusion. If he wasn't going to have any fun there why did he drag me along with him? Or was I the reason he wasn't having any fun?

"And you know when I saw you out by the car at the party it got me to thinking about how you used to be. You know, before you got bumped up to our grade." 

"How I used to be?" I echo. I wasn't aware that I'd changed that much. And I still have no idea what this has to do with us dying our hair. 

"Yeah, c'mon Izzy, you remember what it used to be like. You," he pokes me gently on the chest with his finger, "got me into _so_ much trouble."

"I did not!" 

"You did, too!" He laughs. "My God, when everyone else was doing dumb things like TP-ing houses, me and my best friend were out there hiring painters to paint the principal's house purple." The principal was a real jerk, and he deserved it, I reflect. 

"That would have worked to if I had been able to erase your mother's credit card number from their database like we'd planned. I hadn't anticipated on their security system being that hard to crack." 

"Oh man, it was worth it though to see the look on Mr. Kipping's face. But see, it was stuff like that. You don't come up with plans like that anymore. Why not?"

Why not? I draw up a knee and rest my chin on it as I think. "I think I don't do stuff like that anymore because I finally have enough school work to keep me busy. I was _so_ bored back then. You can only play on a computer for so long before your eyes start crossing." He looks back at me a bit shocked. Oh come on! I'm not that geeky that much of the time! I'm still a kid, too! "I'm not a nerd all of the time." I mutter as I glare at him. He shoots me a confused glance before continuing. 

"Well, anyway, I just got to thinking that at that party, you weren't the Izzy there that you are when we're hanging out together. And I realized that I wasn't acting like myself either." He looks over at me, and I get the impression from the look on his face that he's expecting me to have some huge type of revelation. About what, I'm not sure. 

"Your point?"

"Geez Izzy." He blows out a sigh and then gives me a patronizing look. "I'm saying we should dye our hair as a kind of rite of passage. It's like making a vow to ourselves that from here on into college. We aren't going to let people like Claire and Mike get the best of us. We're going to be who we are and screw everyone else in our class." 

  


"That might take some time." It takes a minute for him to get the joke and then he just groans as he punches me on the shoulder. 

"Be serious, Izzy. Whadda ya think?" 

"Okay, let me get this straight," I say finally, "we're going to vow to become truer to ourselves by artificially dying our hair another color. You _do_ see the huge contradiction in that, right?" Even as I'm asking, Tai's already shaking his head.

"No, no, no. You're thinking of it all wrong. Okay, think about us and how we fit in with the kids at school. I do my best to blend in and be just like everyone else, and you lay as low as possible and stay as quiet as possible, hoping that no one will give you a second glance." As irked as I am by his description, it still has a lot of truth to it. "Doing something like dying our hair breaks us out of that. I can't be like everyone else if I've done something weird, like dye my hair. And you can't lay low if you've done something that outrageous. Just the nature of the thing will break us of the habit of trying to turn ourselves into sheep when we're really goats." 

"You're weird, you know that, right?" I ask, even as I'm turning what he's said over in my head. In a really warped, odd sort of way, it makes sense. 

"Listen, if your mother made soy brownies, went to yoga every morning, and had three zen rock gardens placed in certain positions of your house to enhance the 'harmony' of the space, you're thoughts would be a little odd, too." He states as he leans back and looks up at the stars. I don't think now would be a good time to point out the fact that Kari doesn't seem to have a problem with logic or making sense. 

But do I really want to do something as irreversible as dying my hair? And why in the hell am I even contemplating that?! Of course I'm not going to dye my hair! And I still haven't figured out why he dared me to kiss him. People..._Tai_ should be like a computer program. And while I guess I do have some parts of him figured out, I get the impression that I'm missing something big. Of course, with Tai, it's hard to tell. 

"So c'mon, Shorty. Let's go dye our hair!" He grins at me and then hops off the Toyota. It takes about four seconds to register the fact that he's just called me shorty. 

"Hey!" I yell at his retreating back indignantly as I run to catch up with him. 

Two hours later, I'm standing in front of the Kamiya's hallway mirror looking at my hair in utter disbelief. My roots are still the same dark red that they've always been but the rest of my hair, which falls just a little bit past my ears, is an unnaturally white shade of bleached blonde. 

***

"Izzy. Hey Izumi. Wake up!" Groggily, I roll over as someone shakes my shoulder."Geez, why do you have to be such a deep sleeper." The voice grumbles as it shakes me again, harder this time. 

  


"I'm up, I'm up." I mutter, just before it registers in my head that the voice is Tai. I should have pretended to still be asleep. "Tai? D'ya have any idea what time it is?" I grumble sleepily as I reach up and grab his alarm clock off his bedside table. In nice big red digital numbers, 3:06 flashes back at me. "This is am not pm. I'm g'ing back t'sleep." I tell him and then fall back down on the sleeping bag and the pillow he lent me. 

"C'mon Izzy, don't be like that. I'll let you sleep in the car." The car? I blink in the darkness and look up at him as he leans over me. I never did ask him about that kiss or the dare. Was he just joking around? Or was he serious? And if he was serious what does that mean? And why can I not stop thinking about this?! It was just a stupid dare...it doesn't mean anything.

At least, for him it doesn't.

"We're going surfing."

"At 3," I look back at the alarm clock, "06 in the morning, I don't think so, Tai. G'night." He shakes me again as I try to shut my eyes and ignore him. 

"You don't like surfing when there's anyone on the beach so we have to do it early in the morning, and if we're going to get over to the East coast, we have to leave now."

"I don't have my board." I try, fishing for any excuse not to go. It's just natural that at 3:06 in the morning a person's gonna want to stay asleep, right? And besides, that poor second hand, dinged up surfboard that Tai talked me into buying two years ago is at my house. 

"Your board's here, remember? You left it here the last time we went." Damn. Sighing, I sit up, almost knocking my forehead into his. A real friend is the guy who would do this kind of thing to you and with you, right? I think to myself as I blink blearily at him. A real friend convinces you to do crazy things like dye your hair blonde with them, right? 

But then, would your best friend dare you to kiss them? Argh. I'm not going to think about that anymore. I've already obsessed over it too much as it is, and I doubt Tai's given it more than a second thought. He'd probably die laughing if I told him that I couldn't get the way it felt to have my lips on his out of my mind. Sheesh. And that's only if he didn't punch me first for thinking perverted things about him. Great. Just _great_.

"So whadda ya say? Let's go surfing." Tai smiles back at me in the darkness right before I rub the last of the sleep out of my eyes. 

"How are we gonna get the boards into your Toyota?" 

"Oh that's easy. We're going to borrow Dad's Chevy Tahoe." He grins as he jingles the set of keys in front of my face. I can hear his father's lecture ringing in my ears already. 

***

  


"We've got that five page paper due for Mrs. Robinson's class on Monday, don't we?" I ask. It's not that I really care if we do or not, my paper's already written, revised, and ready to turn in. I just wanted to say something to break up the silence. Tai's been quieter than usual. 

"Oh man, don't remind me. That witch hates me, I swear." He moans as he flops back onto the floor of the Tahoe. He kicked off his shoes the minute we got here and his bare feet are dangling out the back end of the SUV. 

The parking lot ends just a few feet from the beach itself, and Tai backed the Tahoe into a spot, so sitting in the back, we can see out across the ocean. I think it's a shame really that tourists miss out on this part of the beach experience. They always come in the middle of the day, when the temperature is the hottest and the people are at their most obnoxious. 

The beach should be seen like this. In the few hours just before dawn, with the moon reflecting down on the dark waters, and not another soul in sight.

"You know, the first time I tried to get you to go surfing with me, Izzy, I got _so_ mad at you." Tai says suddenly, jerking me out of my own thoughts as he sits up. _He_ got mad at _me_?! I scowl at him, but he's not looking at me so it really doesn't matter. 

I knew at the time that he wanted to try surfing, and for the life of me, I'll never be able to figure out why he didn't just ask Matt to do it with him. He knows I'm not good at the athletic stuff, and he knows it makes me self-conscious to try to do the sports thing. But he just wouldn't give it up. He kept pushing at me and hassling and cajoling until I finally gave in and decided to give it a try. 

My only stipulation had been that we do it when and where no one would be able to witness my utter and complete failure to have even the smallest bit of coordination. 

"You know I'm not good at sports." I mumble as I fold my arms over my chest. "You could have just gotten Matt to surf with you, you know. I'm sure he would have been happy to do it." 

"Geez, what is with you, Izzy?" Tai frowns at me and I try uncomfortably to shrug it off. "I got mad at you because I wanted to surf in the middle of the afternoon in the sun, but coming here like this and seeing the beach like this, and having the waves and the waters to ourselves...it's just perfect this way. It's perfect in ways that doing this in the middle of the day never would have been, and I'm glad that you could convince me to do it this way." 

"Oh." I get out, a little stunned. 

"And why would I pick Matt over you anyway?!" He frowns at me. "The whole reason I wanted to surf in the first place was so you and me could have something that just the two of us did together. I mean, I do the drama club thing with Matt, and the soccer thing with Sora. But what did I have that I did with you? Nothing until the surfing thing."

  


"Stop it! Just stop it." I yell at him before hopping out off the back end of the tailgate and wandering down to the beach. I don't need his pity. I never asked him to take time out of his busy schedule to do something with his socially inept teammate from his childhood days. Sighing, I plop down on the hard, wet packed sand at the edge of the surf. 

"Stop what?" I hear Tai's perplexed voice beside me, and I look up to see him flop down beside me. In typical Tai fashion, he sticks his feet out into the path of the surf, letting it wash over them. "C'mon Izumi, spill. What's going on inside that head of yours? You've been whacked all weekend."

"You don't have to hang out with me just because you feel sorry for me." It tumbles out of my mouth before I can stop it.

"What??"

"I mean it, Tai." I cut him off, feeling miserable as I shove my fingers into the sand and concentrate on them instead of his face. "You don't have to stick around me and be my friend just because you pity me." What am I saying?! This guy is my best friend. Can't I just live with his pity and pretend it's real friendship? 

"You're an idiot." I jerk my head up to look at him. His eyes are flashing like they do when he usually gets pissed off and he's scowling down at me. "When, in the entire time that you've known me, have I _ever_ done something that I didn't want to do? I am friends with you because I want to be and for no other reason but that."

"Oh come off it, Tai." I snarl back, suddenly pissed myself. I can't believe he's going to deny it like this. I can't believe he's just going to sit there and flat out_ lie_ to me. Even if I'm not a real friend, I at least deserve the truth. "I'm the nerd. I'm the snotty little upstart that skipped two grades. My clothes are never in fashion and I hate going to parties, clubs, and football games. Out of all the kids in our grade, I am _easily_ the most unpopular. And you? I mean, come on, you were class president last year, and everyone says hi to you in the hallways. What reason could you possibly have other than a shared adventure six years ago to want to be my friend? Pity's the only thing that comes to my mind…"

Tai blinks at me, and then reaches over and tugs on my hair, reminding me that he did talk me into dying it blonde. I am never going to live this down. What possessed me to actually go through with it and bleach my hair? My mother's going to scalp me...literally.

"I'm your friend, stupid, because I can see what everyone else at school can't seem to be able to. Why do you think I wanted you to dye your hair with me? You can't let the kids at school sucker you into believing that you're just some big nerd with no life." 

"Isn't that what I am?" 

  


"No. You're the guy who tricked me and Matt into believing that Mimi really _was_ an alien for two weeks. You're the guy who got me to believe that his mother's electric toothbrush was a personal pleasure device. Dude, you're the guy I go surfing with and watch weird sci-fi movies with on Friday nights. You have a life, it just doesn't match the same description as the one everyone at school thinks a person should have. And really, do you want to have a life like them?" Tai makes a disgusted face, and I can feel a tiny grin tug at my lips. "I know I for one have better things to do other than bang someone whose name I can't remember because I got drunk with them at a rave in Ybor." He gives one last snort for emphasis before digging his own fingers into the sand. 

"Well, when you put it that way…" I say hesitantly. 

"You're my best friend, Izumi, get over it." 

"Fine, fine. Okay, I admit I've been a little over sensitive lately." Tai looks over at me and raises an eyebrow. "Okay," I flush, "I've been a lot over sensitive lately. I'm sorry."

"I suppose I can forgive you...just this once." He shoots me a toothy grin and then lightly shoves me with a laugh. 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Accept my apologies oh 'almighty blonde one'." I tease back with a wry grin. "Now that we've established the reasons for why you felt you needed to drastically alter my hair color, why don't you tell me why you dyed yours." I throw my arms over my chest and give him my best know-it-all look. I think it would probably work better if I had Joe's glasses, but oh well, Tai's never fallen for it anyway. 

"Er. Because I didn't want you to have to do it alone?" He suggests a bit uncomfortably. 

"What happened to that whole 'I never do anything that I don't want to' spiel?" Weasel your way out of _that,_ Kamiya. Besides, it should be obvious to him, I think, that I don't have a prayer of understanding him sometimes. I really would like to know what his reasons were for suggesting this in the first place. Although, in retrospect, I think I should be glad that he only suggested dying our hair instead of getting something tattooed or pierced.

"I'm not sure I should tell you." He says finally. "Can I just say that I've begun to realize that I've been making myself blend into what everyone expects me to be instead of being what I really am?" 

"Huh?" 

"Guess not." He mutters darkly at my stupefied face before taking a deep breath. "Okay, you remember how I told you after Sora decided that she didn't want to ever date me, that I was never going to give girls a second glance?" 

"Yeah." I say hesitantly as I recall how upset Tai had been at the time. He'd been absolutely furious, but just listening to him, I could hear the hurt too. Oh I know Tai probably exaggerated her cruelness when he was recounting the whole thing to me, but I could have just kicked her for not seeing what a great guy Tai was. But then, who can figure out what goes through girls' heads? I have a hard enough time just trying to figure out Tai.

  


"Well, it really doesn't have anything to do with Sora anymore, but I don't give girls a second glance, because they aren't the ones that interest me."


	3. Chapter Three

O

*sniffles* Izzy still turned out a little mental. ;_; Can we say paranoid? (Why…*blinks* yes I can! ^-^;;) 

*****

"_Well, it really doesn't have anything to do with Sora anymore, but I don't give girls a second glance, because they aren't the ones that interest me."_

For one gut wrenching, twilight zone kind of moment, I thought he was being serious with me. His eyes were looking right at me as if he could see straight into my thoughts and see all those questions that had been forming in my head from the first moment I'd pressed my lips against his.

So, needless to say, when he crossed his eyes, stuck out his tongue, and scrambled to his feet yelling "Race ya back to the Tahoe!" I was more than a little surprised. Who wouldn't be?!

I don't know what to think anymore. Does he know about me? Is that why he said it? Was that just Tai's weird, round about way of admitting to me that he knows? Or was he serious? Is he…?

And if he is, what does that mean for us? For me? How exactly does he think of me when I'm around him? 

I'm confused. I sigh as I look blankly at the computer screen in front of my face. 

I'll talk to Joe about it, I decide after a long moment of contemplation. I suppose it's a little cowardly of me to choose him out of the digidestined to talk to, but really, I've never been one to risk much when I don't have to. Besides, I've been toying with the idea of telling him about me for a while now. He's in college, he was never one of the more popular kids at school. Out of any of the digidestined, he ought to be able to understand the best about my situation and where I'm coming from. Or at least, I think I can trust him not to laugh at me too hard. I hope. 

That and Joe's going to school in Gainesville, it's not like I'm going to have to see him everyday if he takes the news badly. 

As for Tai, what am I supposed to say to him? Maybe Joe can give me a little bit of advice, but still. Tai's my best friend. If he's learned, if he isn't…Will he still want to hang out with me? Will he tell anyone else? 

  


Glancing at the clock, I realize I've got about five minutes before Joe's supposed to be here to pick me up. He comes home every other weekend, and if I don't snag a lunch with him this weekend it'll be two weeks before I see him again. 

I hear Joe's beat up old Volkswagen pull into the driveway. Scrambling, I quickly throw on my shoes and race out the door after saying a quick goodbye to my mother. 

I come to a grinding halt, though, as I near Joe's old yellow bug. Standing by the passenger side door is Matt with this huge grin on his face as he pulls back his seat, giving me access to the back. Great. Well, so much for that plan. I try not to sigh or look disappointed. Maybe this is for the best. I'm not really ready to tell anyone yet anyway, right? Tai was probably just joking around with me. Pulling my leg. He doesn't know. He can't. Right? It was just his weird sense of humor coming through.

"Nice hair." Matt's snickered comment pulls me back into reality and I can feel myself blushing in embarrassment. 

"Oh my god, Izzy! What happened to you?" Joe asks in stunned disbelief. Self-consciously I tug at my bangs. 

**** 

"So...did Tai get you drunk first before you let him do that?" Matt asks me with a wide grin as he reaches over from across the booth and grabs a few of Joe's fries. 

"Hey!" 

"You're allergic to fries, remember?" 

"I am not!" 

I manage a wry grin as I watch them interact. They're always picking on each other like that. Matt shoots me an expectant look, and I can feel the embarrassed blush flooding my cheeks. I _wish _I had such a legitimate excuse as drunkenness.

"No, we were just hanging out and it seemed like a good idea at the time." They both turn and stare at me as if I've just emerged from a big green slimy pod. "It's a rite of passage sort of thing. Tai and I decided to do this in an effort to be true to our own identities, and to become more self-actualized people." Did that just come out of _my_ mouth?

"I think you and Tai have been swallowing too much sea water." Matt announces as he steals a few more fries. Joe glares at him from across the table, and I let myself relax a little bit. 

"We dyed our hair before we went surfing." I manage to say in my most serious voice as I take a sip of the cherry coke I ordered. For a moment there's silence, and then I look up to see Joe and Matt struggling not to laugh. "What?" 

  


For a dreadful second, I wonder if they're laughing at me. Nah, I shove the little niggling doubt away as I watch them. Joe's not like that, and as much as Matt can intimidate me on occasion, he's not one to be cruel, right? They _are_ my friends. So I stare at them both in confusion. 

"I can't believe you and Tai actually call that _surfing_." Matt finally snickers as our food arrives. Well, I guess he has a point there, I find myself laughing a little bit at it too. Tai and I try. We really do. It's just that I don't think either of us stays upright on the board for longer than five seconds. Mostly we just kind of splash around and float on our boards. I suppose _technically_, it would be hard to call what we do 'surfing'. 

"So," Joe speaks up after we've had a few quiet minutes just to eat, "what'd you want to talk about Izzy?" 

Oh shit. What am I supposed to say? 'Oh, I was wondering whether you knew if Tai was gay or not?' I don't _think_ so. I sneak a sideways glance at Matt as I struggle to come up with something intelligently deceptive to say. "Um...It was just a question about Tai that I thought you could help me with. No big deal, really. So, how was your concert last night, Matt?" I applaud myself silently for that brilliant change in topic. 

"Concert?" Matt looks at me blankly. "What concert?" 

"Tai told me you had a concert you were giving and that's why you couldn't go to Natalie's party with us last night." I explain to him, feeling stupider and more uncomfortable as the seconds tick by. Tai...Tai wouldn't deliberately _lie_ to me, would he? But then, why would Matt lie about this?

"No, Tai told me he wanted to go with just...ow!" Matt's yelp catches me off guard as the blonde glares across the table at Joe. 

"Maybe you just heard him wrong, Izzy." Joe says calmly as he sticks his fork back in his fettuccini. What the hell? 

"No, I have an excellent memory. Tai said that Matt had a concert and that Sora had to visit her grandmother." Something is definitely going on here. I only wish I had a clue as to what. 

"Sora's at her Grandmother's? She told me she was going to catch a movie last night since Tai didn't want us to tag along on his...ow! That really _hurts_ Joe!" 

"Good." I think I hear Joe mumble as he and Matt exchange glares for a moment. 

"I think I'm going to use the restroom real quick." I say before abruptly getting up from the booth and making my way towards the back of the restaurant. Hopefully, by the time I get back, their actions will have made sense to me. I don't think I'll hold my breath though.

***

"Did you hear what Tai told Claire last night?" 

  


My hand stills on the bathroom stall door as I recognize the voice. It's Chris, and I think I vaguely remember him being at the party last night hanging out with Mike.

"Yeah, man, she bitched all night long about how Tai told her he was gay or something. What a joke. Anyone with half a brain knew he was just shittin' her."

Part of my brain is insisting that I leave before Mike and Chris say more than I want to know. I know it's rude to eavesdrop, even if they are making it rather easy for me, but it's like I'm frozen in place. Maybe I'm just not understanding what's going on. 

I should just gather up my courage and leave, pretending that I don't know them, and that I didn't hear them. But, well, a couple of minutes of waiting for them to leave won't kill me. And it will be infinitely less awkward if I avoid seeing them at all, right? So I'll just stay put until they go. I just wish that I didn't feel like such a coward. God, get a grip on reality, Izzy.

"I'll bet he said it just to get rid of her." 

"No kidding. Tai, gay? Please. That little fucker he's always hanging out with is probably gay, but Tai? There's just no way." 

"He probably said it just so he could get closer to Sora." 

"Yeah, I wish I could get in _her_ pants, man. She's hot." 

"Say, isn't she friends with that loser nerd Tai's always around, too? That's gotta be his in." 

"Huh? Who, Izzy?"

"Yeah, that's him. I'm tellin' ya, if one of 'em's a fairy, it's that kid. But if Tai plays it all nice and sweet with him, Sora'll think he's one of those sentimental types and give him a chance." 

"Man, that's just warped." 

Their voices fade and I can hear the door slam shut. 

I knew they hated me, and I know I don't do a hell of a lot to endear myself towards them. In fact, for the most part, I try to stay as hidden as possible. I try to be as inconspicuous as a guy with bright red hair can be. Of course, now it's a lovely fake shade of blonde...Just one more opportunity I've given them to take shots at me.

What exactly have I done that deserves something like this? Is it because I'm smarter and younger than them? Is it that I suck at sports? What?

I can feel hot tears rolling down my face, and taking a deep breath, I angrily rub them off my cheeks and out of my eyes. So they know what I am, huh? They say it like it's something I'm supposed to be ashamed of. As if my being gay is the reason behind the fact that I'm such a nerd, or that I'm so uncoordinated. They swing my sexuality around like it's some kind of insult. Like it's the final nail in the fucking coffin of what it is that makes "Izzy" Izumi so goddamn geeky. Like they know _anything_ about it.

  


And Tai...

Yeah, it's always been Tai. 

Fine. Just fucking fine.

Does he know that I am? I'm thinking he probably does. He never would have said that bit on the beach, if he didn't at least suspect it from me. So, is_ he_ gay or not? Heh. Even if he is, I know without even having to ask that he'll never see anything in me. Who would?

I wonder if Joe and Matt know. Did Tai tell _them_ that I was gay? 

Maybe that's what all that crap at the table was about. Talk about too funny, right? The little genius kid who couldn't figure out anything. I'm so emotionally clueless that I didn't even realize that my every feeling came through on my face. God, wasn't it just obvious that the only time I ever showed much life in my geeky existence was around Tai. Pathetic.

I wish Tentomon were here. I've never felt more friendless in my entire life. 

Taking a deep breath, I open the bathroom stall door and walk out. Mechanically, I wash my hands and then walk out into the restaurant. I spot the waitress that was serving us, and almost on autopilot, I walk over to her and pay her for my portion of the meal. I ask her to tell Joe and Matt that I had to leave unexpectedly. 

There's a gas station down the road from the mall. I'll just walk there, and call my mom to come pick me up. Simple, really.

***

"Izzy, hon, are you alright?" I hear my mother's muffled voice through the doorway.

"Yeah," I return tiredly, "I just didn't get much sleep last night is all." She murmurs something reassuring, but I'm not paying attention. What's the matter with me? So Chris and Mike spout a bunch of shit. What the hell do they know anyway? 

Were they there when we were battling Devimon? Were they there when we were trying to find the eighth child? I _shared_ something with the other digidestined. They _needed_ me just like I needed them. Something stupid like this isn't going to change their minds about me, is it? 

And yeah, so maybe we are growing up and going our different ways. And yeah, maybe we've all changed in various ways over the years. It just wasn't feasible to imagine that we were all going to stay the same as we grew older. Change is inevitable. 

  


But even if that's true...An adventure like that? You just don't _forget_ something like that... The memories that you make and the people you befriend. 

I flip open my laptop in an attempt to throw it all out of my mind. I'm sick of thinking about this, worrying about this, and obsessing over this. Time for something new to put my mind to for a while.

Out of habit, I get online and check my email real quick. Grinning, I can see that Mimi's _finally_ written me back. Where is it her family's moved to now? Her Dad's in the military, so it changes on almost a yearly basis, but I think she's in Guam at the moment. I think. 

_Hey Izzy!_

__

_I just got done writing back to Matt, so I figured I'd write to you next. You wouldn't believe what Matt told me! He said that Sora said that she overheard from Tai that you might like him. So…do you? Are you gay? That's just so weird! I always would have thought that if Tai were gay he'd end up with someone like Matt. I mean, if you think about it, there was _some_ chemistry there…_

I slam the laptop shut without bothering to read the rest of the email. Leave it to Mimi to be blunt and to the gossipy point, I think angrily. 

I give a dejected sigh as I contemplate throwing my laptop across the room. There's got to be _something_ comforting about random acts of violence to inanimate objects or Tai wouldn't abuse them so much whenever he gets pissed off. Gingerly, I set my laptop down on the desk beside my bed. It's just not in my personality to vent my frustration that way, though. 

Lying back down on my bed, I stare blankly up at the ceiling. What are the chances that Joe knows about it, too? I'm thinking the odds are pretty good that they all know. How long, though? How long have they known about me, and been laughing behind my back about it? 

Which makes me wonder if they deliberately hid it from me.

I mean, how funny would that be, right? The poor little nerd. Isn't it so hilarious that he follows the Captain of the soccer team around like a lost little puppy. Isn't it just a goddamn hoot that he's head over heels for someone who will never return his affections? I mean, honestly. What would Tai Kamiya ever see in me that would be worth the effort of giving me a chance? Mimi's right, he and Matt did have a lot of chemistry now that I think about it. But I can only take any of that into consideration if he's gay. I don't even know that much. Maybe this is just some huge practical joke on me. Maybe they just think that it's funny to watch me try and sort this out. But then, why haven't any of them _said_ anything about it to me?

And that's when it hits me. 

I mean, how blind can I be, right? Like I was _ever_ a part of their group. Destiny made me one of the digidestined and one of their teammates. They didn't accept me as a member back then necessarily because they _wanted _to, but because they _had_ to. 

And for a moment, I'm just floored. I knew I was somewhat oblivious when it came to relationships, but this level of delusion? Who knew I had it in me to be this blindingly naive. 

  


So I held the Crest of Knowledge, right? It's logical, rational even, that they would have wanted me to be a part of the team so I could help with the more complex problems that required extensive knowledge of computer systems and programs. It was my job, my duty even, to do everything I could to use what I knew to the best of my ability to get us out of the jams we got into. 

I was their fucking _tool_. 

But that's not really very fair to them, now is it? I roll over and hug my pillow to me. We were just kids, and in a life or death type of situation, isn't it a given that you're going to use whatever means necessary to accomplish the main objective? They didn't _mean_ to use me. It just happened..._I_ let it happen.

I mean, is it really their fault that the holder of the Crest of Knowledge turned out to be this geeky red haired brat? The whole digidestined gig did _not_ require them to befriend me. But they made the attempt at least, right? They tried. 

It's not their fault that I'm an embarrassment.

So gradually I got left out of things--out of different secrets and interactions--after we returned from the digital world. They were trying to be polite about it. No one wants to end a friendship on a sour, screamed note. It's just easier to let things drift apart until all you really have left of the relationship is a bittersweet, fond memory of how things used to be. 

Only I was too fucking dense to get a clue and realize what was happening in front of my own eyeballs. Way to go, genius. Why haven't any of them said anything to me? Why _should_ they? I'm not that important to them. Not anymore, at least.

And Tai? What am I too him? Some little tagalong who helps him with his calc homework occasionally? The little nerd who's always available to do something if he's bored and desperate? I'm not his confidant. I'm just not that important. Why would I be? Me, the scrawny little gay geek. He and Matt are infinitely more suited to each other, aren't they.

"Izzy, phone's for you." My mother announces quietly as she opens my bedroom door and steps in, the cordless in her hand. 

"Who is it?" I ask tiredly. 

"Tai."

"Tell him I'm not home." I mutter. 

"Izzy, now really. I already told him you were here." She reprimands me gently as she walks over to my bed and holds out the phone. 

"Fine. Then tell him that I don't want to talk to him." I say, knowing that he can hear me. And as my mother gapes at me for a moment, I roll over and stare at my bedroom wall, willing myself not to cry. 

"He...he's busy right now, Tai. I'll have him call you back later." My mother manages to get out before hanging up the phone. 

  


Like he cares.

*****

Hmmm…well let's see, I like yogurt, I like honey, and I like dried bananas…I guess you could put them all together and still have it taste good. ^-^ Heehee…

Oh, and I like owe everyone emails, I'm behind…again. ^-^;;; Sorry! And thanks everybody for the nice reviews! ^-^


	4. Chapter Four

"Izzy, honey, can you get the door

Well, this should be new to everyone. ^-^ Thanks Ky-san for the idea for this chapter! This was just what this story needed, and I never would have figured that without your help. 

*****

"Izzy, honey, can you get the door?" I hear my mother yell from down the hallway, and with a great deal of reluctance I push myself up off my bed and walk to the front door. To say that I'm not in a socializing mood would be an understatement. Sighing, I plant what I hope looks like a smile on my face and open the front door. 

And _he's_ standing on the doorstop grinning back at me. 

For a moment, I just stare at him. How does he do that? How can he stand there looking larger than life and totally at peace with himself? 

"Hey Izzy, whatcha up to?" He asks breezily as he pulls me into a headlock and moves towards the kitchen, pulling me along. "And how come you didn't want to talk to me?" He asks as he lets me go in favor of scrounging through our refrigerator. Soundlessly, I slide into my chair at the kitchen table, and when he turns to look at me, I shrug uncomfortably. He looks so at home in my kitchen. But then, Tai would look at home just about anywhere. 

"Man, what is up with you lately, Izzy?" He asks quizzically, pulling my attention back to the present as he plops down in the chair opposite me, milk carton in hand. Mom hates it when he drinks out of the carton, but it's a habit she hasn't yet managed to break him of. 

As for what's up with me? Well, where do I start? The list is endless. 

"Just been thinking." I mutter hoping that will quit that line of questioning. I seriously don't want to talk to him right now. It's like I have a sixth sense for knowing when I'm digging myself in too deep. This is the same feeling I had years ago, standing at my bedroom door, listening to my parents as they discussed me. My mind was telling me the whole time that I would be infinitely better off just walking away from the door and climbing in bed. But I heard my name, and my curiosity got the best of me. 

Despite the fact that I knew I shouldn't have, I listened anyway. 

It's like that voice in my head is saying to me now, 'get up, walk him to the door, and deal with this later when you're thinking more rationally'. But morbid curiosity holds me to the spot. I've got a lot of unanswered questions, and it's about damn time he did some sharing. 

"Well don't hurt yourself or anything." He says with an odd look as I realize I've been staring off into space for the last couple of minutes. Predictably, I flush and he chuckles before guzzling what's left of the milk. 

"Why'd you dare me to kiss you, Tai?" The question comes out very quietly, but from the way his hand stills on the carton, I know he's heard me. 

"It was a dare," he says a bit uneasily, as I stare at him. "I didn't think you'd actually do it."

"So, what you're saying is that you didn't think I'd actually have the guts to do it." I state in a surprisingly calm voice. I can't believe him! He dared me because he didn't think I'd accept?! Like I'm some sort of spineless weak-willed twit who would never dare to do something of a questionable nature. Like I'm someone to be pitied! 

"C'mon, Izzy. Let's go see a movie." 

I want to scream in frustration as he jerks out of his chair abruptly and throws open the fridge door to put the empty carton back in. Mom can't stand it when he does that either. 

God, I hate it when he skirts around things like this. If I could get myself to yell at him, or accuse him outright, he'd jump at the chance to fight. Heaven knows I've watched him and Matt go at it enough times just like that. But because I'm me and I don't feel the need to turn everything I say into an accusation or a challenge, he can just brush it off like it doesn't matter. If he doesn't want to talk about it, he'll just change the subject and avoid it altogether. 

"I'm not in the mood to go out." God, I'm sick of this little game we keep playing. I need some time to just sit back and do everything in my power to pretend and convince myself that this weekend just didn't happen. 

"Well then, why don't we just stay in and watch a video or something?"

"Tai…" I try again, struggling to be polite.

"Or we could go play ping pong in your garage. C'mon Izzy. I'm _bored_. Let's do something!"

I glare at him, completely pissed now. He's _bored_. That's why he's here?! Because he's _bored_?! Of course, it wasn't until this moment that I realize I've been harboring some kind of false hope that he really is here because he wants to be with _me_. But no, that's not why he's here, is it? He's just here to have a good time, to laugh it up now and not worry about anything else. Like my feelings, or what I might think about his stupid little joke back there on the beach. 

I mean, what exactly is going through his head? 'Oh, Izzy's gay, how funny is that? Haha…Okay, not worth my time, moving on…'I'll bet it didn't even cross his mind that I might have deeper feelings for him. Like how could some one like _me_ ever expect to be with someone like _him_? Especially when he could have someone like Matt…

"Okay, let me get this straight. You're here because you're bored?" I ask coldly, looking him straight in the eye. He kind of tilts his head and nods with a semi-frown. 

"Yeah… Izzy, you okay?" 

"No! No, I'm not okay!" Well, that did it. I finally lost my temper. "I've just really had a crappy weekend, okay, Tai. And at the moment, I really don't want to sit here and just be entertainment for _you_, all right? I've got a lot on my mind, and I think you should leave." I'm almost impressed by how forceful I made that sound.

"Izzy, what's your problem, man? Is this about what I said back at the beach?" He laughs uncomfortably. "I was just kidding, dude."

"So it's all just one big joke to you." I snarl out as I shoot him a nasty look and walk out of the kitchen towards the front door. 

"What the hell's _that_ supposed to mean?!" Oh, _now_ he gets pissed. Fine. I guess I did start this little fight. I mean, after all, why would he bother? I'm just not that important to him, right? Why would he bother wasting his time worrying over what geeky little me might be thinking or feeling? 

"It means whatever you want it to fucking mean." I fling the front door open and glare at him. "I've had it with this, Kamiya.I'm sick of being the brunt of jokes like that. And I've had it with being your fall back friend. Go find someone else to pester." 

"Why are you being so weird like this? And what jokes?! I was just horsing around at the beach. It didn't _mean_ anything!" He sounds angry and confused and almost desperate. And _I'm_ being weird? At least everything I've done so far makes sense. Nothing he has done even remotely begins to fit a logical pattern. I gesture him out the door, and he takes a few reluctant steps until he's standing on the door jam. 

"That's just it. It didn't mean anything to you. It never does. You never stop to think about how what you do might affect someone else. I mean, this entire weekend, did you ever stop once to think about how I might feel about all this? I know that to you, I'm just this computer nerd with no life. And okay, so maybe you're right about that, too. Maybe I am just an embarrassment to you and the rest of the digidestined. I'm sorry I didn't figure out sooner that I was just messing up everyone's style by tagging along, I'm a little slow that way." I sneer at him as he takes a small step backwards, putting him completely outside the doorway. 

"Izzy, what are you…I mean, how could you think…What--"

"Just stop it, Tai!" I yell, cutting off his stuttered attempts at sympathetic pity. I've had enough of that from him to last a lifetime. Besides, that's not what really hurts the most, anyway. "How did you _think_ I was going to take that kiss or what you said at the beach? So you knew I was gay. There are a lot less cruel ways to ask me questions about it, you know. And maybe for a while there, I had deluded myself into thinking we were best friends, but friends don't do that sort of thing to each other. I don't know what kind of game you were playing, or what the goals were, but I'm done playing around. I'm done being an amusement for you." 

His mouth moves wordlessly for a moment, and that's just enough time for my brain to register that I do not want to hear what he's going to say in response. It'll only make everything hurt that much more than it already does. So before he can manage a word, I slam the door in his face, and my hands are shaking as I flip the lock. 

"Izzy?"

I jump, and then turn to see my mother watching me from the end of the hallway. Fuck. How much of that did she hear? From the look on her face, I'm guessing she probably heard most of it. I…I just can't handle this anymore. 

"I'm going to my room." I tell her quietly. "I really don't want to talk to Tai right now, so please don't let him back in?" I plead. She gives a kind of dazed nod that I take as acceptance, and then I race to my room, slamming the door behind me before I bury my face into my pillow. 

What was I thinking? Why did I say all of that? What is my _mother _thinking? I mean, I knew I was going to have to tell them someday. I was just hoping that someday didn't come until I was like thirty. Well, I guess it's at least a relief that she didn't fly into hysterics right there in the hallway right? That has to be a good sign. I think my parents will understand. 

As for Tai? Not only is he going to _hate_ me now, he's never going to speak to me again. I know he and Matt argue all the time. And I know that they're forever forgiving each other for the stupid things that they say. But _I've_ never argued with him like that before. It wasn't in the farce of our relationship to bicker like that. 

And when I do fight, it's usually got a ring of finality to it. Like this. 

I never should have said any of it. I should have just kept my mouth shut and agreed to go with him to the stupid movies. Maybe he never considered me his best friend, but he really was mine. 

He's been my best friend for years. We helped paint the principal's house together. He was my partner in crime when we dyed the mean next-door neighbor's cat pink. I laughed with him when he stole a pair of Matt's boxers out of his gym locker and strung them up the school's flagpole for the fangirls to see. And I laughed at him when Matt retaliated by passing out flyers of Tai in only his underwear. It was a photo Kari had snapped during one of the mornings we'd had together in the digital world, and I'm not certain if Tai ever forgave her for giving it to Matt. 

Not that it matters; I'm never going to be talking to him again. I don't mean anything to him and I never have. 


	5. Chapter Five

"Izzy, honey, wake up…" 

Hey! ^-^ Last chapter folks!! I hope it's finally up to snuff. And I think out of all of the chapters this is the most mish-mashed of old and new. Anyway, thanks for sticking it out with me!!

***** 

"Izzy, honey, wake up…" 

I grunt softly and then groggily sit up. My mom's sitting on the edge of the bed looking at me with a small half-smile. I blink at her for a moment, and then bring my hands up to my eyes to rub them. 

They're dry and scratchy and they have those crusty things in the corners from the tears that dried there. The last time I cried myself to sleep was when I was seven and I accidentally overheard my parents talk about my adoption. I'm almost seventeen, and even if no one witnessed it, this is still humiliating. 

"Honey, there's someone at the door for you." My mom says as she reaches over and gently brushes my bleach blonde bangs off my forehead. I give her a questioning sideways glance in return; she hasn't done something like that since I was little. "We'll talk about _that_ later, but for now, just know that I'm okay with it." She ruffles my hair again as I swallow hard and try to nod.

"Who's at the door?" 

She looks at me for a second and then gives me her best 'I'm the mother and I love you but I'm in charge' look. "Joe, and he said he really needs to talk to you. I figured since he was leaving to go back to Gainesville tomorrow and wouldn't be back for another two weeks, it was worth waking you up. Now scoot."

Reluctantly, I crawl out of bed. I don't want to talk to _them_. Not even Joe. Friendliness because of a misguided sense of guilt is no better than friendliness out of bored pity. But I know that sooner or later I'm going to have to say something. I can't avoid them forever. Oh, I know I could try, and right now the thought has a great deal of appeal, but the digidestined are nothing if not tenacious. 

And knowing Joe, he probably feels somewhat responsible for my abrupt departure from the restaurant. So I'll go let him off the proverbial hook, then I'll crawl back in bed and dream of moving to a deserted plot of land in Greenland where I can spend the rest of my days as a hermit. 

As slowly as I can, I make my way to the front door. Joe's standing in the foyer and he turns to look at me expectantly as I come closer. Of course, the first thing I want to do when his eyes meet mine, is run back to my room, dive under my covers and never come back out again. It's childish, and I know it, so I make myself move forward. 

  


"Hi Joe." I'm not at all surprised to hear that my voice is quiet and subdued. I suppose I ought to give myself some credit, at least I'm not spouting meaningless technical jargon to try and cover my nervousness. 

"Hey Izzy," he shifts a bit self consciously on his feet, "can I talk to you outside for a moment?" 

"Sure." I sound about as an enthusiastic as someone being lead to an execution block. I follow him out, shutting the door behind me to keep the AC inside and the mosquitoes and bugs outside in the hot, humid night air. "So what did you want to talk...mghrgh!" 

I catch a glimpse of Joe shaking his head in exasperation before the two bodies that hurled themselves at me end up taking me all the way down to the ground with them. "What the hell!?" I manage to snarl out right before one of the bodies shoves something of a decidedly cloth-like nature into my mouth. I finally get a good look at who's accosting me, and I'm amazed to hear myself give a muffled growl. 

"Dude, Izzy, quit struggling. This is for your own good." 

Glaring at Tai's frustrated face, I can feel my own anger rising. What right does he have to come here? Is he just trying to get even? I mean, what a twist of fate, right? The nerd telling the popular jock to get lost… Is he just here because of wounded pride? 

And since he's been stupid enough to let go of my legs for a second in order to tell me to quit struggling, I jerk out and kick him as hard as I can in the shin. His painful yelp both surprises me and makes me feel a little bit better. At least I've gotten some of my anger and frustration across. And even though it isn't at all the same, it feels good to hurt him like he's hurt me. 

Not that he cares. 

Joe shows up beside me with rope, and I resist the urge to roll my eyes. What the hell do they think they're doing? Matt answers that unspoken question in short order as he starts tying my wrists together behind my back. Tai moves in front of me for a moment and he gives me that same shitty ass grin he had on his face when he dared me to kiss him. This is just another fucking game to him, isn't it? A million biting remarks come to mind, but since they've gagged me, the words only come out as growled mumbles.

"Okay, let's get him to the car." Matt states pleasantly as he and Tai wrestle me up onto my feet. A couple of days ago, I would have laughed this off and willingly went along with them and whatever crazy idea that they'd come up with. It wouldn't have been a big deal at all. But that was back when I was still under the mistaken impression that I was an integral part of their group and not just some kind of dense parasite. 

  


So of course I struggle. I put up as much of a fight as I possibly can with my mouth gagged and my hands tied. But there is the small detail that both Matt and Tai are almost two years older than I am, and at our age it _does_ make a difference. That and I've always been a bit on the short and scrawny side. I know I don't stand much of a chance against them, which only infuriates me more. 

I try to kick Tai again, earning a grin from Matt and a glare from Tai. Joe's left the rest of this bizarre kidnapping to them, and I can see him heading back to the house. The logical assumption is that he's gone to tell my mother that they're going out for a pleasant ride with me. Hence the lovely gag in my mouth. I'd be screaming bloody murder if I could. 

I manage to get another good kick in at Tai as he and Matt shove me into the back seat of Tai's Toyota. And I have some great amount of satisfaction at seeing Tai limp slightly as he moves to climb into the driver's seat. I am _not_ a pushover. Nerdy, yes. Emotionally incompetent, yes. Pushover, no.

I give Matt a glare for good measure as the blonde crawls in beside me. Seconds later, Joe hops into the passenger seat, and Tai guns the accelerator. 

Tai, being Tai, flips the radio on, and the music blares to the point that I can see Joe's mouth moving, but I can't hear a blasted thing he's saying. 

Fine. I didn't want to know, anyway. 

Okay, so that's a lie. I do want to know. I want to know what they're talking about, what they're planning, and I'd give up my own computer if I could just figure out what they were _thinking_. But since I'm not going to find out those things anytime in the near future, my brain decides to invent what they _could_ be saying. It seems ridiculous at first, but the more I think about it and imagine it, the worse the words they could be saying get. 

_Tai: Why'd we have to go to all the trouble of bringing him along in the first place? _

__

_Joe: C'mon, he's not **that** bad. Besides, we owe it to him. He **is **one of the digidestined. _

__

_Tai: But it's such a drag. All he ever talks about are these stupid theories that no one else gets but him. That and he cramps our style. _

__

_Joe: Be nice, Tai. He doesn't have any other friends. It won't kill us to take him along with us._

Managing a ragged breath through what appears to be a handkerchief; I make myself look away from them. I hate my imagination. I hate the fact that I can think these things, and believe that they might be true. And I hate the idea that they probably are. 

"What's your deal, Izzy?" Matt asks as he leans over to talk in my ear, since communication any other way would involve shouting. I mumble something along the lines of 'fuck you' into the handkerchief, but it all comes out a garbled mess. He must have gotten the gist though, because I can see the frown form on his face and he's giving me one of those condescending half-glares that he's so good at. __

  


I don't know what he's so pissed off about. He's not the one tied up. He's not the odd one out. He's never had a crush on someone who didn't return it. 

That last thought sticks in my head and refuses to give up. Matt could be the most disgusting pig on the planet personality-wise, and girls _and_ guys would _still_ throw themselves at him. And since he really isn't a pig personality-wise, since he is such a great guy and a good friend, people all but flock to him. 

Mimi's comment about Matt and Tai's 'chemistry' is still running through my head though, so he's not exactly what I would call my favorite person at the moment. I scowl at him as I picture him roasting in a pot with pygmies dancing around it. Grimacing, I try to move away when he leans over to me again. Can't he take a hint? I don't want to listen to him right now.

"You're killin' us here. We want to help you out and we want to be close to you, but you just shove everyone away, don't you? I mean, you never let any of us get close. Not even Tai, and he's your best friend. I know you don't think I understand, but I really do. You have to meet us half way. We can't do all the work for you. I mean, part of being friends is meeting the other person halfway and not ditching them at a restaurant with no explanation. C'mon…"

"What are you guys doing back there?" The music snaps off right before Tai asks, and I can see him dividing his attention between the road and the rearview mirror. 

"We're getting nice and cozy, aren't we, Izzy?" Okay, like I could respond to that with a gag in my mouth. But even if I weren't gagged, I don't think I'd have been capable of saying anything as Matt unbuckles his seat belt and all but crawls into my lap as he strokes my hair. I see Tai's eyes dart up to the mirror, and the car makes a wild swerve as he gets a look at us. 

"Tai! Pay attention to the road. Matt, knock it the hell off." Joe orders as he grabs the steering wheel to steady it. Reluctantly, Tai turns his eyes back to the road, and we all let out a sigh of relief. With all the strength I have in my puny muscles, I shove Matt off of me. I'm only about half-successful, and that's with Matt's attention being on Tai and not me. Yay.

"What's the matter Tai? Jealous?" Matt asks as he snuggles up against me again. Oh _fuck_! So that's why they're dragging me along, huh? Isn't it just a scream how having me in the car can be an indirect way to tease Tai. I'm here, once again, for my entertainment value. 

"Shut _up_, Matt!" Tai snarls. 

"You aren't helping, Matt." Joe adds as he twists around to get a better look at us. He sends me a kind of apologetic glance, and I can feel the heat rising to my cheeks. Tai flips up the radio again as Matt slouches back and frowns. 

"I was, too." He mumbles before turning back to me. He leans over, and considering the fact that I really don't want him plastering himself against me again as a way to provoke Tai, I lean away. "Oh c'mon Izzy, I was just trying to get Tai to loosen up. You know how stubborn he can be." If that was supposed to have reassured me, it's failed miserably. 

He takes one look at my faces, and cracks a smile. "Man, you looked so freaked." I glare at him. "Seriously, I really was trying to help. Tai's not one to be real open about stuff, you know? He needs a push every now and then. And while you're usually the one to do the pushing, you can't do it this time." 

At this point, if I weren't chewing down on a handkerchief, I'd ask him what in the hell he's babbling about, but since I'm gagged, I just sit there silent. 

"When Tai called me and Joe earlier and we talked about this, he said that you were feeling like you weren't a part of the group anymore." He says it solemnly as he waits for some kind of reaction on my part. I stare back at him warily. What's he getting at? "No matter how things work out, whether you guys end up together or not, we will always be your friends, Izzy. You will always be a part of the digidestined, and you will always be a part of the gang, you know. I mean, seriously Izzy, you don't live through what we lived through without making friendships that last through just about everything."

I…I _want_ to believe him. But I don't know if I can. 

"Look, you know when we were back in the digital world, I went through that whole period where I doubted everything that had to do with friendship. And I learned a lot about friends and about myself from it. I don't know how much of this'll apply to you too, but just hear me out, okay? We can tell you over and over and over again that we're your friends, in fact, we probably will. But it won't mean anything until _you_ think you're worthy of being our friend. You have to have faith in us as friends, and you have to have faith in yourself and your ability to be a friend." He gives me a serious nod and then leans back in his seat. 

So…so this entire thing is my fault? Confused, I look at him out of the corner of my eye. I wish I could dismiss everything he's said out of hand, but he's got a point, he's been through this before.

Am I worthy of being their friend? A part of me really doesn't think so. I just don't have any of the important things to offer. I'm not social, I'm not popular, I don't like parties and I don't do sports. But then, how do they see me when they look at me? 

Almost unbidden, the words Tai said at the beach come trailing back to me. _"I'm your friend, stupid, because I can see what everyone else at school can't seem to be able to. Why do you think I wanted you to dye your hair with me? You can't let the kids at school sucker you into believing that you're just some big nerd with no life."_

He said he didn't see me as a nerd. And yet, I still managed to convince myself that that was the reason why he couldn't possibly be my best friend. Why any of the digidestined couldn't be my friends. 

And that's when I kind of get this epiphany. 

Matt's right. I haven't had any faith in myself, and I've had even less in them. I let my doubts about myself take over everything. I let them grow, and instead of trying to squash them, I kind of let them eat away at me like acid until they'd crumbled away bits of my confidence. I assumed the worst out of them because I assumed the worst from myself. They really can only do so much and reassure me so much. Somewhere along the way, I have to realize for myself that other people can look at me and see more than a pitiful nerd. _I_ have to be able to look at myself and see more than a social pariah. 

I have to realize that I'm already worthy of their friendship. I have been for a long time. 

Tai finally pulls the Toyota, after what seems like eons, into a rest stop. The three of them pile out and Tai opens my door, and helps me out since my hands are tied behind my back. Flexing my wrists a bit, I'm glad that I at least still have some feeling left in my fingers. And then I stop to stare up at Tai, trying to figure out what's going through his head. 

He is my best friend, and even though I know it's going to hurt like hell, I have to tell him outright how I feel about him. I just have to at least get it out there in the open between us. Even if he isn't gay, even if he does like Matt…

Joe looks at both Tai and me for a moment and then grabs Matt's arm. "C'mon Matt, I need help getting a can of coke." Matt looks back at us for second as Joe starts dragging him towards the vending machines, and rolls his eyes.

"Sure Joe, we all know how complicated that whole 'coin in the slot, push the button' business is for you. I'd be _glad_ to help. Remind me to define 'subtlety' for you sometime."

"Just…just shut up." Joe never was known for his snappy comebacks.

We watch them for a second, and then Tai reaches over, almost hesitantly, and gently grabs the front of my shirt, tugging me over to the edge of the parking lot. We reach the locked gate where the paved road leads off into the picnic area, and in the shadows, he pulls me down until we're both sitting on the asphalt, facing each other. 

And by this point, I'm feeling a little sick with anxiety. I'm sure he's already got some inkling about how I feel towards him. And maybe this is a big part of the reason I've been so quick to doubt our relationship. How is he going to react to the knowledge that I like him? Will he freak? Will he change the subject and we'll just move on and try to forget I ever even confessed it? Will he push me away? 

I guess I'm the most afraid of the last. The other two I could handle. I won't lie and say it would be easy, but I could handle that. But if he pushes me away? There won't be _any way for me to fix things between us. It'll just be the end of everything. That's why I've never said anything before… _

"Izzy?" He asks, yanking me pretty effectively back into the real world and out of my head. I look at him as he reaches up and unties the gag. 

"Tai, I'm really sorr--" I almost choke as he shoves the blasted thing _back_ in my mouth! I glare at him as he finishes re-knotting the fabric behind my head. 

"Sorry about that, I thought I wanted you to be able to talk back, but when I think about it, the last time I tried to talk to you about all this, having you talk back just got in the way. So we're going to do it this way." He looks at me like I'm supposed to accept this. Like it's the most normal thing in the world to have your friend tied up and gagged in front of you just so you can talk. I raise an eyebrow. 

"Okay, so here's the deal. You are _not just an amusement to me, Izzy. How could you even think that?" He asks, and I can hear the hurt in his voice. "I know I've been acting a bit strange lately, but you still are my best friend. I don't care if you never want to talk to me again after this, but I will always want to talk to you if you need me to." He looks at me uncertainly, and then sighs. _

"Okay, so like everything else I do, I've screwed this up big time. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said at the beach, I'm sorry I dared you to kiss me, and I'm sorry that you thought it was just a big joke on you. It wasn't. I…I just messed up everything." He sits back and looks at me miserably. Well, to be truthful, he's not the only one who messed up. I put the worst possible spin on everything he said. I was so bent on convincing myself that he didn't care about me or about how I felt, that I took everything he said--and some things he didn't say--and did my utmost to warp them into reasons for why he wouldn't possibly want to be around me. 

I didn't put any faith in him, because I didn't have any faith in my own ability to be a friend to someone like him. I guess…I guess I've been doing to him what I was afraid of him doing to me. He's so much more than just Mr. Popularity. His being popular or being good at sports doesn't define who he is any more than being good with computers and being a nerd defines who I am. I _know he's more than those things. It's his sense of humor, his fearlessness. He'll sit and recite lines from Monty Python with me during football games when I imagine he'd rather just watch the action. When I told him that it wasn't possible to rollerblade off a roof without breaking something, he went up to prove to me and the rest of the world, that yes, it __could be done. (His mother's hedges will never be quite the same though…) He'd do anything for a friend…even drag them to a party to try and draw them out of their shell or take them surfing at three in the morning just so they can talk. _

And maybe he isn't open about things. Maybe he does steer clear of admitting how he's feeling or what it is that's on his mind. And yeah, he can be incredibly obstinate about keeping those things to himself, even when I know it's really bugging him. But Matt's right, if I push him just right, he'll tell me. And doesn't that mean something? He trusts me. But I haven't trusted him. I never outright told him that I was gay, I made him guess. I can't just expect him to trust me without giving him that trust in return. Which is just another point Matt's been right about. I have to meet my friends half way, and that's something that I haven't done with Tai so far.So, in a way, I've doubted his friendship to me the whole time, when it was my friendship to him that was in question. 

So I look back at him guiltily.

"C'mon, we've had some fun times together, haven't we? Please don't let everything I've said and done this weekend fuck up what we have between us. Please?" If I weren't gagged, I'd be telling him that this wasn't entirely his fault, and that I was just as much to blame. But he just keeps going! "If I could take this whole weekend back, I would. I really fucking would. I never meant to do anything that would hurt you. Ya gotta believe that, Izzy." 

As strange as it is though, I don't want to take this weekend back. I mean, all these things I've been feeling and agonizing over? They've always been there, building. And even if he does decide to take all this back after I get a chance to talk, at least I got a chance to understand us both a little better. That has to be worth something, right? 

"I just…I just have to know, for my own peace of mind, _are you gay?" He asks nervously and the reaches over to untie the gag. It isn't until I watch his hands pass by the sides of my head that I realize that he's shaking. And as he fumbles with the knot, I can feel his hands trembling. I don't understand. What's going through his mind?_

"Yeah," I say slightly bewildered, "I thought you knew." He stares at me for a good minute with this look of complete befuddlement on his face. 

"How in the hell would I have know that?! Izzy, you are the most asexual person I know. I've never noticed you looking at either guys or girls. I've been just driving myself crazy trying to figure out how to tell you that I was gay. I mean, I've been afraid to do stuff in the past, but this? I was so scared you were never going to talk to me again. Do you have any idea how hard this has been?" He asks shooting me a pained glance. Yeah, but Mimi's email said…I frown at him. 

"Can you get my D-3 out of my pocket?" I ask once I realize that my hands just aren't going to be able to reach. 

"I dunno, sounds kinda kinky…" He jumps back with a grin, and I watch as his face falls. "I…Izzy, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I—"

"It's okay, Tai. It's just a joke. I know I'm dense, but you have managed to give me a little bit of a sense of humor." I try to give him a reassuring grin back. Of course, I can't blame him for being a bit worried; I haven't exactly been the best with his jokes lately. Hesitantly, he fishes my D-3 out of my pocket and flips it open. "Read the newest email from Mimi. I only read the first paragraph or so, but that's why I thought you knew about me." 

I watch as he frowns at the email as he reads it. "_Matt?" He squawks. "Matt and __me?_ Is she nuts?" And I know he'll never know how much it means to me to hear those words come out of his mouth. Even if we're both into guys, it doesn't follow that he'll ever having feelings for me like that, but at least I don't have to face the idea that I was in competition with someone like Matt. My ego isn't quite able to handle something like _that just yet. _

He finishes reading it and he looks back at me, with a little bit more understanding on his face. "Okay, I think I get some of what happened now, but what I don't get is how she got it messed up like that. Sora didn't overhear me talking about you liking me. She overheard me daydreaming to myself about you." 

"You daydream about me?" I finally manage to spit out, convinced that this is one of those things that is just too good to be true. I have to be hearing things, right? He nods sheepishly, and even in the dim light from the street lamps, I can tell he's blushing. Tai, blushing! "Because you know, I daydream about you too." My head yanks up in shock as I realize what I've just said. "Um…that is to say…well, that just kind of slipped out of my mouth. I swear!" 

"Um, well, do you…ah…doyouactuallylikemelikethat?" He asks uncertainly. I frown for a minute as I try to figure out what he's just said, but when I finally do understand, I swallow hard and nod. 

"R…really?"

"Really." I say as I try to calm down my racing heart. I watch as he bites his bottom lip anxiously for a moment, and then he leans forward slightly until his face is inches from mine. I've never been more nervous in my life. What is he doing?! _Say something already! I stare at him apprehensively as his nose almost touches mine, and then he's tilting his head slightly and his lips are touching mine… And all I can do is look at him dazed as he draws back. _

"I was so sure that you were never going to feel the same way about me as I did about you. I'm glad I was wrong." He blinks at me for a moment and then throws his arms around my neck, and laughs into my hair as he hugs me. "So are we okay again?" He asks, tugging me over beside him. 

"Yeah, we're okay again. I'd even go as far as to say we're even better than before." I answer softly, unable to keep the elated grin off my face. 

"I take it that everything worked out okay?" Both Tai and I look up to see Matt and Joe standing in front of us with knowing smirks on their faces. Oh, like they knew that this was going to happen. I roll my eyes and Joe laughs. 

"Yeah, it all turned out okay, although I still have a bone to pick with you, Ishida. What the hell have you been telling Mimi?!" Tai demands as he tosses Matt the D-3. 

Joe's hitting Matt on the shoulder even before they get half way through the message. 

"I didn't tell her that! I swear! Ow! Joe quit it!" Matt tries to defend himself as he shoves Joe back, "and me and Tai have 'chemistry'? We do not! What the hell is she _talking about?!" he demands of no one in particular, and I find myself laughing at both of them, and feeling more comfortable with them now than I have in a long time. I've missed this. I didn't know it before, but I missed being like this with all of them. It's like waking up and realizing that this is exactly the way it always should have been between us. This was the way it __had been between us before I lost faith in myself... _

"Here Izzy, finish reading all of what she wrote." Tai finally butts into Joe and Matt's shoving match as he grabs the D-3 from them and holds it in front of my face. 

_Hey Izzy!_

__

_I just got done writing back to Matt, so I figured I'd write to you next. You wouldn't believe what Matt told me! He said that Sora said that she overheard from Tai that you might like him. So…do you? Are you gay? That's just so weird! I always would have thought that if Tai were gay he'd end up with someone like Matt. I mean, if you think about it, there was _some_ chemistry there…_

__

_But then again, when I think about it, you and Tai have your own subtle chemistry too. That and you two can be in the same room together and alone for more than an hour without ripping each other's throats out. Remember the time we all went to the video store together and Tai and Matt spent three hours arguing over whether or not we were going to rent Die Hard-something-or-other or the Terminator? I mean, talk about dumb. *rolls eyes* _

__

_I'm sure I had a point in here somewhere…oh yeah! If you are gay, I hope you and Tai get together. It would be so cute! ^-^ _

__

_Bye!_

_Mimi_

"Mimi's crazy, but occasionally, she does make some sense." Tai gives a dramatic, very Mimi-like sigh. And as I grin at him, I nod my head in agreement.

"See, it all worked out, just like I told you it would, Joe. So there." We both look up to see Matt shaking up a can of soda and he winks at me before he moves subtly closer to Joe. 

"Whatever! You were the one who said that we were going to have to give them both a lobotomy before they came to their senses." Joe, I'm sure, can see this coming, but chooses to believe that Matt won't actually do it. I can feel myself trying not to laugh as I watch them. Tai pulls me close against him, and I lean into his embrace. 

And it's at this moment, watching Joe and Matt grin at each other with Tai here beside me, that I realize that this is the last time. This is the last time I'll let myself doubt how much their friendship means to me, and how much mine means to them. 

"Let's party!" Matt pops the top to the can of soda, which, predictably, explodes all over Joe. The older boy's mouth works soundlessly for a few seconds as Matt leans back and smirks. Even in the dim light, I can see that the liquid is dripping down off Jyou's face and off of his chin length hair. That and I can tell that the clean, _white polo shirt he's wearing is now sporting a splotchy brown-stained pattern that it hadn't had moments before. Tai's howling with laughter beside me, and I can't help but chuckle as Joe gets this furious look on his face seconds before he lunges for Matt. _

Tai helps me up to my feet as Matt and Joe chase each other around the parking lot. "We have weird friends." He comments. 

"Yeah, we sure do. Do you think you could untie me now?" I ask as I angle my wrists and nudge him in the side. 

"Maybe." He says before he kisses me and tickles my ribs. 

*****

And thanks in the order that I got the reviews:

Musouka: Wheee! Thank you so much! ^-^ Actually, thanks for everything. I'm so glad I know you. 

Mrs. Jet Black: Thanks!! And the organization sounds like a blast! ^-^ 

Atalanta: #^-^# Wheee! You're too cool!! Thanks for the reviews!! ^-^

Kymaera: Girl, you rock!!! I can't thank you enough times for helping with this and for just being a great friend. Getting your reviews always makes me feel like I'm on top of the world. You just always give such good, well thought out ones. Thanks for everything!!! 

Malfoy's Girlfriend: Yeah, Izzy with blonde hair does sound kinda hot. ^-^ Thanks for reviewing! 

Babyshiro: Wheee! Thanks! Cute name too, btw. ^-^

Kouchi: *grins* Thanks! I hope this came out fast enough for everyone. 

Aphrael: Eieee! #^-^# Thanks for taking the time to review this!! You are so cool! ^-^

290: Hey! I loved that last chapter of "Still in my Dress"!! And thanks for reviewing! I've never dyed my hair with peroxide before…but from watching my brothers, I thought it looked like fun (as well as looked funny…on them. ^-^;;; I love my bros. They're a hoot.) 

StarCats: Gyah! You're so cool! And yeah, Tai and Izzy kinda were evil kids weren't they? ^-^;; *giggles* Thank you so much for the nice reviews! 

Pilot02: Wheee! Thanks! I figured since it was a holiday for me today, I oughta put out the rest of the fic. Sorry (well, not really…^-^;;) for making you all wait! 

Nyara: Whee! Thanks!! 

Rae: #^-^# Thanks!! I'm glad you liked it, and I'm glad that I could finally get this out again. Thanks!

Faded Jae: Girl, you're too cool! ^-^ Thanks!! 

Thanks everybody!! I'm not sure if I ever say it, but getting reviews from you all just makes me feel like I'm getting somewhere. I mean, I read what you all write in response (and I think that I read a lot of what most of you write…*drools*) and it just makes me want to work that much harder and try that much more to write something that's worth your time. Y'all make me want to be a better writer. ^-^ 


	6. Old Reviews

Hey everybody

Hey everybody! ^-^I just wanted to put up the old reviews that this thing got the first time around. And I wanted to say a quick thanks to everybody too who reviewed last time…hence all the comments…I got a bit carried away with some of them though (translation: I act like a complete goof.)…^-^;;; But anyway, THANKS EVERBODY!!! Y'all rock! 

Musoukachapter:1 @04-12-2001 10:08 PM

EEEE! Taishirou!! (not *nearly* enough of THIS floating around on the net!) Wow, this was really something, Lynn-san!! But isn't all your stuff in general? Heeheehee...Truth or Dare...that's a really cute idea!!

_Wheee__! ^-^ You are sooo right! There isn't enough Taishirou out there! *pouts* And, as always, you're so sweet, Musouka-san! ^-^ (And your Kenjoyu…*ultra hyper puppy eyes* You are going to write more on that one, one of these days, right? )_

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Cynthia, Piedmon's Ladychapter:1 @ 04-12-200110:17 PM

OHHH! I really liked this! One of the better Taishiros I've read!

_See! Proof that there need to be more Taishirous written! I'm just not going to be the one to do 'em, anymore. Izzy's beginning to make my head hurt.^-^;; I'm glad you liked it, though! ^-^_

StarCatschapter:1 @ 04-13-2001 03:49 AM

did you say more parts?! Yay! This is fantastic (even without my 'tiny' Taishirou bisas ^.~) and it sounds just about right for Izzy; you kept his stubbornness so well in tact. *grins* If you do more of this then i am a very happy fangirl, well done!

_Geee__! And you're one of those cool people that write Taishirous!! *happy sigh* I hope this had enough Taishirou stuff in it for you. ^-^_

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Faded Jaechapter:1 04-13-2001

That was awesome! I admit, I decided to read this story because I thought that Izzy and Tai would never be together and it would be an opportunity to make fun of something. Of course, I was incredibly wrong. Your story was amazing! Simply amazing! Tai and Izzy seem so right together! I loved it! You have to write a sequel. You _have_ to!

_*giggles* I still find it amusing that that's the reason you read the first chapter. ^-^ You're so cool, Jae-san! _

Laurelchapter:1 @ 04-13-2001 07:23 AM

Eeep! This is absolutely cuute! You really managed to capture Izzy's feelings, and the 'underwear incident' scenario is hilarious. Please do continue this.

_I had such a hard time too trying to think up a dare that would be good and embarrassing for Tai. ^-^;; I'm glad you liked it! *bounces happily*_

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S1ncer1tychapter:1 @ 04-13-2001 07:38 AM

Just one teensy little criticism, Rae-san... What do you ~mean~ Izzy didn't see The Matrix the moment it hit the theatres?! I mean, come ~on~! What self-respecting computer geek/Digital World fanatic ~doesn't~ go see The Matrix? Even I saw that movie in the theatres, and I never go out to the movies! Aside from that one utterly unrealistic moment (*grin* I'm just kidding with ya! I still think you're awesome, Rae-san. :) ), I loved the story! The 'underwear incident' amused the heck out of me, and I thought the characterization was wonderful. I'm much more of a Taishiro fan than I am of Taito, so this was a lovely way to wake up (especially on my day offa work -- Any Friday I have off is a good Friday!). Thanks, Rae-san! And don't take my criticism too seriously. *grin* o.o

_Oh, you are sooo right about that. . Izzy really would have been one of those people who would have bought tickets for that three days in advance or something…Well, I changed the movie to 'The Phantom Menace' cause I thought that one pretty much stunk, and I thought Izzy probably would have been too intelligent to have been sucked in by the hype to go see it in theatres, but then again…that could very well just be me…^-^;;; Still, this so made me laugh! Thanks s1ncer1ty-san! ^-^_

unchapter:1 @ 04-13-2001 10:40 AM

cool more

_I hope the other chapters were enough to satisfy…^-^;;;_

Luciadigichapter:1 @ 04-13-200106:41 PM

Wai! Cute! I hope there's more! Is there? If not, there should be! Soon, I hope! ^_^

_Oy__.__ Sorry I was kinda wishy-washy about whether or not I was going to continue things when I started this fic…^-^;;_

Shimmercatchapter:1 @ 04-13-2001 08:08 PM

You HAVE to continue this! If you don't, I'll find out where you're staying and beat you up! Really! I've been there, at a party I was dragged to, but I couldn't really talk to anyone so I just kind went outside and made myself invisible. I've also been in many of the other situations. They suck. I hated middle school. Fortuanately, I've managed to get some friends for high school. But not everyone does. *sigh* You are GOING to finish this...

_Eieee__! Someone who understands! ^-^;; I absolutely ~detest~ going to parties…I just don't see the point unless it's just a few of your really close friends. But then again, I know that not everyone else is the same way, so I guess it's all good. Izzy just inherited my bias towards the stupid things in this fic. ^-^;;_

Cybrachapter:1 @ 04-14-2001 10:46 AM

:::drool::: Cool...Wonderful job! If possible, could you write a sequel?! ~Cybra

_Whee__! Thanks! I love your 'Trio' stories, too! ^-^ Tai-Izzy-Matt just makes for some really fun interactions. ^-^_

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Kaychapter:1 @ 04-14-200103:31 PM

::faints:: Taishiro... I'd forgotten how much I loved it! ^_^ Thanks! Heh, god, this was amazing... very good... my poor Izzy-sama! But how awesome! Very good writing, veeery interesting/hilarious "dare" for Tai... heheheheh... :) Anyway. I loved it to pieces!!!

_Eieee__! You're another person I know who's written Taishirous! *grins happily* You even wrote a Takeshirou too, right? *drools* Thanks for reviewin' this thing! ^-^_

Nanaki Lionesschapter:1 @ 04-14-200108:48 PM

Oh that was great! Heh, I wanna see Izzy 'get even' with Tai!! ^_^

_Erk__.__ That might have been one of the loose ends that never got tied up. 'Course, I kinda think Izzy got even with Tai without really ever having to try. I'm sure poor Tai was wrestling with some nice semi-angsty issues while Izzy was being secretive and paranoid. ^-^;;_

Kymaerachapter:1 @ 04-15-200106:31 PM

Gah! Rae-chan, you *can't* stop there! What're Tai's motives, what happens next? ::pouts:: I want to know! Seriously, though, I thought that this was excellent! Who says late night writing doesn't turn out? ^_~ You did such a good job at writing Tai and Izzy ::glowers:: in character, and I can really see where you're coming from on both of them. Joel was right, you do have a unique and fascinating way with words...^_^

_I still think you write Izzy incredibly well, so there. *blows raspberries* ^-^ And all the good stuff that got into Izzy's personality in this thing, comes from conversations I've had with ~you~ over his twerpy little character. But thanks! ^-^ _

Finnychapter:1 @ 04-16-2001 04:02 PM

Rae, how is it you keep making Matt and Jyou, and now Izzy, say and do and think the sort of stuff I'd say and do and think in situations like that? *glomps you* Great job, gal!

_*giggles* Finny-san, you're so much fun! ^-^ What can I say? We just happen to be a lot alike sometimes. ^-^_

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Jinchapter:1 @ 04-17-200108:28 PM

Wonderfully written and fun to read. Mooore, please! @_@

_Speaking of more…."Stereotypical Vampire Fanfiiction"…you're going to write more on that one…right? *puppy eyes*_

Faded Jaechapter:2 @ 04-20-200106:14 PM

*goes bananas. Yes, bananas* Good gads! Of course you're going to write more! *jumps around her computer room* Need MORE!

_*giggles* Now you know what my reaction is whenever I see that ~you've~ posted new chapters…*puppy eyes* Are you going to write another chapter for "Sandy Castles"? _

Luciadigichapter:2 @ 04-20-200106:22 PM

Rachel-sama! You _will_ write another chapter to this, or I will beat you over the head with a stick. ^_^ OK, OK, just kidding, but you absolutely can't leave it there. That would be cruel.

_*falls over laughing* Geee! Too funny! ^-^ I hope the rest of the fic lived up to your expectations. _

__

Star girlchapter:2 @ 04-20-200107:46 PM

i really like your story! PLEASE keep on writing some more , i really wanna keep on reading your great fic! thanx! **~STAR GIRL~**

_Thanks for reviewing! ^-^ Although, I think personally, that the first two chapters were probably the better chapters. I lost control of things after that. Izzy is such a lunatic. . (Riiiight…blame the cartoon character…I'm sure everyone will buy that…*rolls eyes at self*)_

Kymaerachapter:2 @ 04-21-2001 01:28 AM

*glomps Rae-chan* I ~love~ it. This is sooo great! Just out of curiosity, why would your brothers kill you? *looks intrigued* I love the way you can get inside Izzy's head and I love the way he doesn't understand Tai. The fact that Tai wanted to die their hair...and that he actually did it...*snerk* Remind me about that later.... Btw, did you make Tai's hair shorter in this? Because I honestly can't see him with that huge mop that he sports dyed bleach blond...maybe that's just me. Okay, I've rambled entirely too much *sweatdrop* Please hurry and write the next one.... I know you're busy but...I wanna know! *giggles* Great job, as usual.

_I really wanted to say somewhere in there after I read this that, yeah, Tai's hair was shorter, but I just couldn't seem to squeeze it in anywhere. ^-^;; And my brothers would've killed me because I made fun of both 1)them dying their hair and 2) them surfing. My brothers are so adorably goofy. ^-^_

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Aardwulfchapter:2 @ 04-21-2001 01:30 AM

Hee hee! You write Taishiro really well - bringing out the friendship aspect first and foremost and building their romantic interest on that. Izzy reminds me of myself, all geeky and social-phobic. Heh. Cute story, can't wait to see the rest! :)

_Whee__! Thank you so much for saying that! Cause I really did want to show that they were good friends and that it wasn't all just hormones and whatever…X_x (There was proof in the show! There really was!)_

__

Shimmercatchapter:2 @ 04-21-2001 11:41 AM

Ooooo, you better write another chapter for this. Or I will track you down and tie you to a chair until you do.

_*falls over laughing* I get such a kick out of reading threats. ^-^ You're too funny, Shimmercat-san! ^-^ (And you're Daijyou was just…*drools all over the place* sooooo ~good~!! Gyah! I loved it and it was soo sad! ;_; ) _

__

Kittychapter: 2 @ 04-21-200102:30 PM

AGH! YOU CAN'T LEAVE IT THERE, ANYWHERE BUT THERE! Ahem. Loved your story...please, for the love of everything holy or non, write more!

_Yeah, I suppose that chapter break was a little cruel of me, ne? ^-^;; Sorry! _

StarCatschapter:2 @ 04-25-200102:00 PM

*kicks herself* How did i miss the second chapter up?! Wah! It's cruel to leave us there...but i shan't complain (after all; i'm still giggling over the Tai and his mothers electric toothbrush idea O.o how did you think of that one!). Again you've got Izzy's character right on too, and i cannot wait for the next part! ^__^

_No really! Electric toothbrushes really ~do~ look like those things!! ^-^;;; My Mom's got one of those (the electric toothbrush…if she's got a PPD…I ~seriously~ don't want to know about it. X_x) and when I first had someone describe to me what a PPD was that, strangely enough, was the first thing I thought it might vaguely resemble. ^-^;; _

ChiTas no Mikochapter:2 @ 05-08-200104:49 PM

i wonder what the kids at school will think when they see their hair! ^_^ next chapter?

_I seriously thought about writing that in…but I just couldn't swing it. ;_; I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall though when they walked through the halls. *snickers*_

Shimmercatchapter: 3 @ 05-10-200104:46 PM

*claws at screen* No... there is supposed to be a little button I can push for teh next chapter... where is it? *grin* They were NOT OOC, Rae. Izzy, especially Izzy as opposed to Koushirou, is a little f*cked up. To paraphrase Musouka, we only get one glimpse into the little guy's head and that glimpse was pretty damn trippy. I feel so bad for him... your fics have made me fall in love with our favorite little computer geek all over again. *grin*

_Whee__! Thank you so much Shimmercat-san! ^-^ You have no idea how reading this made me feel just that much better about this twerpy fic. I think there are aspects where Izzy's pretty OOC, but I think he does fit in character in a lot of other ways. (I just don't write techno babble…and I refuse to make him sound like a walking thesaurus. No one actually thinks to themselves that way. At least…I don't think they do…X_x)_

Kymaerachapter:3 @ 05-10-200105:17 PM

Rae-chan!!!! *shakes computer in frustration* You're killing me! What do you mean this is all the more you have written? You ~can't~ stop there! Why is Izzy being so stupid?! (I ought to be careful how hard I type on the keyboard, I might break it... _

_*giggles* There really was more to this review. Twerpy FF.N! Apparently if you type in this '_' face…it cuts off everything after the second thingy. Bleh. As for Izzy being stupid…erm. ^-^;; Well, he can't be intelligent at everything right? ^-^_

Cynthia, Piedmon's Ladychapter:3 @ 05-10-200106:37 PM

Ohhh....VERY good!! Poor Izzy...

_Oooh__ I made him so nutso in that chapter. I'd have to agree. Poor kid. I think that at times I was overly identifying and my own insecurities were dripping through a bit onto Izzy. Although, I really do think he's pretty anti-social. I mean, his whole purpose in 02 was to be 'the guy who explains everything that is technical'. For the amount of time he was probably spending with the new DD's they certainly didn't seem that close…(And I don't count Miyako's stupid towel from Kyoto…I'm ~still~ trying to figure out where the heck that came out of…X_x)_

Allison Michellechapter:3 @ 05-10-2001 08:05 PM

Oh pleeeze write the next chapter ASAP. That was just great, I love Izzy Tai couplings. Anyways, keep up the good work.

_Eiee__! Thanks! ^-^ And like I've said before…there should be more Taishirou!! ;_; (have I been whine-y enough yet? ^-^;;)_

__

Starcatschapter:3 @ 05-11-2001 10:26 AM

You didn't make Izzy a headcase...he already was one... *pats the poor boy on his head* i adored the interaction between Joe and Matt here, the whole deal with Matt getting kicked just fitted in perfect...*happily sighs* ^^ I shant move now until the next part comes, i love seeing this boy's head get messed around with... =p

_*giggles* I really, really liked writing Matt and Joe into this. ^-^;; I was afraid Matt might have been a little OOC, but really, I can see him being a little bit of an imp too. And I thought it was pretty IC for Joe to kick him. I just wanted to write something where Matt was a happy kid for a change. Don't get me wrong, he's fun and cool to see angsty…but I like to see him having fun too. (That and I like seeing him be someone other than just 'TK's mentally screwed up big bro'.) Oh, and "Daisy Chains"…*puppy eyes* you write such an ~awesome~ Miyako!! Please say chapter three's in the works…please?_

Raechapter:3 @ 05-11-2001 12:03 PM

I'm really looking forward to Izzy's head being bashed. What an idiot! Self-esteem is no excuse for the level of angst that you've put him through. You should be ashamed of yourself. Please let me know when this is done. [raegan_1@hotmail.com][1]

_Erk__.__ ^-^;;; Lack of self-esteem can do some really crazy things to your head though….But I'll admit that I probably went a little overboard with it. ^-^;;_

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Isabellachapter:3 @ 05-12-2001 05:38 AM

*eagerly awaiting the next part* AAAAHHHHHHH i wuv this story i just can't wait for the next part, i need more or i'll explode T___T

_Don't do that! ^-^;; But I'm glad that it caught your attention. ^-^_

Finnychapter:3 @ 05-12-200103:49 PM

You do realize that I like you getting into Izzy's head, right? 'Cause I do, and you do a great job of it!

_Finny-san! You're just too cool! ^-^ Thanks for saying that! ^-^_

Kymaerachapter:3 @ 05-13-200101:44 PM

Just adding this to favorites... I just realized that it wasn't there. And I just wanted to let you know that you had better finish this! I mean, c'mon! Izzy has to realize that he's being an idiot about this whole self-doubt thing. He ~has~ to. And I'm curious too why no one told him Tai was gay. I mean, did they just assume that he already knew, or did Tai tell them not to? What? And JOoC, what kind of restaurant serves Fettuccini and fries? *grins* Okay, I'll stop pestering you now, but you'd better finish this or I'll come after you with one of Musouka's sharpened sticks...

_You have no idea how long I agonized over the fries and fettuccini question. *mock glowers* I finally figured that they were probably at a place like T.G.I.Fridays since I know they serve fettuccini there. And I ~think~ you can order fries as like an appetizer or side or something. *looks around to see who's buying this train of logic* Maybe? ^-^;;;_

Aphraelchapter:3 @ 05-16-200101:51 PM

Erk! Poor Izzy! Agh... I totally love this fic! You know for someone with the Crest of Knowledge, that kid can be incredibly dense... Wai! But, I love it all the same! Taishiro! *grin* Always good!

_*giggles* You said it about Izzy! ^-^ You just have an incredible way with words. I loved "Rune Master", and "The Next Level" is soooo good so far! ^-^_

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Seiitsuchapter:3 @ 05-17-2001 10:15 AM

Ohmigosh.. I -really- hope you've got more to this. I really, REALLY hope you've got more to this... ^_^ Gosh, that was so.. GOOD. I mean, very, VERY GOOD. ::holds her hands up:; May I have some more, please? -Seii-

_#^-^# Thanks! I don't know if it was obvious to anyone, but I've struggled so much with this twerpy fic…._

yahiko2tailmonchapter:3 @ 05-18-2001 07:52 AM

First off, thanks for reviewing my fic. I *LOVE* this! Please write more! I just loved how Matt and Joe acted during that whole scene with Izzy in the restaurant...*giggles*. That was cute. Peace! How did you find my fic, anyway? Just asking. ^^*

_*grins* I'm particularly proud of the restaurant scene. (X_x It's like not even important to the plot, and I'm thrilled I wrote it, sheesh…sometimes my head really is floating up there in the stratosphere…X_x) And I do a lot of surfing around and reading people's favs when I'm bored. ^-^;;_

Faded Jaechapter:3 @ 05-19-2001 11:19 AM

Poor Izzy! *glomps Izzy* Oh geez! *sniffles* I love this chapter! Oh gads! *cries her eyes out* Sniff...

_I really ~was~ kinda mean to him in this chapter, wasn't I? ^-^;;;_

Lia Rosechapter:3 @ 05-19-200101:33 PM

I REALLY LOVE this fic! PPLLEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAASSSSSSEEEEE continue! Pretty please? with Tai, Izzy, and Matt on top?!?

_What? Is Joe chopped liver? (I'm just kidding around. ^-^;; He and Matt didn't figure in too much to this fic anyway…) But thanks! I'm glad you liked it! Hopefully revised chapter four and five are a little bit more worth reading…_

DarkGatomonchapter:3 @ 05-25-2001 10:48 AM

Write more!!! Please, write more!!! I am so hanging off this story. I look forward to seeing more from you. It's well written. Please write more.

_#^-^# Thanks! Sorry I yanked this off and revised the whole thing, folks. I just really wasn't happy with the way the poor thing had turned out originally. (Actually, truth be told, I was a bit disgusted with it…. Grrr.)_

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Sunny-chanchapter:3 @ 05-26-200105:32 PM

Aw, poor Izzy. He's got such low self-esteem. ^.^ I am totally in awe of your writing prowess. ::falls prostrate to ground:: O, Great One, please continue to write this fic of wonderful Taishiro goodness.. (There really should be more Taishiro. It's the cutest thing in the world since Bukamon evolved into Gomamon.)

_##^-^## Thanks!! *giggles* Oh, I love that last little comment! ^-^ And you're right, there should be more Taishiro!! ^-^;;_

Pales Megamichapter:3 @ 05-26-200107:53 PM

OMG... ::speechless:: This fic is simply amazing. Honestly, there is nowhere NEAR enough Taishiro on the 'net, and this fic blows em all away. I absolutely loved it.. please write more! ;_; Poor Izzy-chan; he's my favorite! ::huggles Izzy plushy:: Great job, Rachel-san! You are a very talented writer; keep up the good work, and I'll be looking for the next chapter, okies? ^_^

_I like Izzy-chan a lot too…when I'm not the one writing him. X_xBut thankyouthankyou for the nice review! ^-^_ _And I'm glad that I'm not the only one noticing this Taishirou shortage…it's criminal I say! ^-^;;; Ignore me…_

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Lyra-chanchapter:3 @ 05-27-200102:49 PM

Hn. Well now I know how everyone feels when I end my chapters so abrtuptly. *Wails* You gotta write more!!!! If you do...I'll write a four page chapter for Inori no Asa rather then my little one page chapters!! *puppy eyes* Pleeeeeease?!!!

_*giggles* You have to write more on that Angekeru!!! *puppy eyes* And Hikari better not be mean to Miyako!! Grrr. (It would seem that I have a soft spot for Miyako…it's just that she's so much like Daisuke sometimes, and I ~love~ Daisuke. ^-^) _

290chapter:3 @ 05-28-200101:25 PM

Okay so you really have to hurry up and come out with the next part. I'm as psycho as Izzy now! This, is btw perfectly Izzy. He is a headcase! But such a cute one^^ This seems like the perfect extension of the movie, with everything that went on between Tai and Izzy...And I like the correspondence between Mimi and Izzy. Great Job! I need the next part!

_Whee__! Thanks! ^-^ See there is Taishirou proof! *points to the comment about the movie…crickets chirp* ^-^;; And in the revision, I cut out the correspondence to a certain extent. I wanted to keep it, but for some reason, it was one of the things that was bugging me and generally making life difficult. *glares at fic* Sorry! _

No. 9 chapter:3 @ 05-28-2001 09:11 PM

As an Izzy-fan, I personally like it.

_I'm glad you like it! ^-^ *giggles* You know, I've noticed that both Izzy and Joe have their separate fan bases of a couple dozen loyal fans who just adore them. Matt and Daisuke obviously have much bigger fan bases. But you know, the only Tai fans I ever see are the Taito fans. Is that just me? X_x Don't worry, it probably is just me…_

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Kae Tichapter:3 @ 05-31-2001 09:24 AM

*crawls on floor* PLEASE write more! PLEASE! Poor poor Izzy all depressed... Tai gotsa make it better! Write the next part quicky!!

_I'm glad you liked it! ^-^ The next part was the hard part to write though! ^-^;; I'm such a dink. I did want to make Tai make things better, but I also wanted him to have a bit of a temper too…because he's just not one of those 'fix other people's feelings' type of a person, IMO. That's more, oh say, Joe's department. (Me? A die-hard Yamajyou fan? Surely you jest! ^-^;;) Personally, I think in the whole Yamajyou, Taishiro business…Koushiro's got a harder time of it with Tai than Joe does with Matt. ^-^ But then again, I've read some ~really~ good angsty Yamajyous too…^-^;; never mind…it's tough for them all. ^-^_

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Lia*aka*SailorV-Babechapter:3 @ 06-02-200101:35 PM

Rachel- chan!!!! Please, please, please, please, please, please update, write more, or what ever it is you have to do, but I want to know what happens to Izzy and Tai!!!!!!!! Tai must be near heartbroken!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh and Izzy is so confused and angsty..... but you are right.... You made little Izzy a headcase.... a cute one at that! What is gonna happen to them now?!?!?! Please post more!!!! ~* Lia

_He is a headcase, isn't he? ^-^;; I'm glad you really liked those chapters that much! ^-^ I did put up chapter four for a while, but well…after reviews like this and rereading through it after it was posted, chapter four wasn't quite what it should have been. ^-^;;_

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Aphraelchapter:4 @ 06-03-2001 12:12 PM

It's about time! I've been waiting for this part forever!!!! *squeak* Excellent! Izzy was being so silly through the whole thing! I LOVE how it turned out, though! Yay! Everyone's happy! It's so warm and squishy and GOOD! *snuggles fic* Yayayayay!

_*grins* Wheee! Thanks! #^-^# Hopefully the rewrite's a little bit better though. Thanks for actually reviewing this chapter though! ^-^_

Cynthia, Piedmon's Ladychapter:4 @ 06-03-200112:19 PM

Awww :)Nice ending :)

_Thanks for stickin' through the whole thing, Cynthia-san! ^-^ You're too cool! _

StarCatschapter:4 @ 06-04-2001 02:07 AM

I tried to review this last night, but was way to hyper to type anything of sense...^^; *squeaks* You finished it! And it was good and well worth waiting for, i cannot pick any one bit about this part that i really liked; i just loved it all. ^^ And as for Izzy being tied up *giggles* "leave him like that Tai!" Excellent, fantastic fic! *goes back to read it all again...*

_*giggles* Yeah, I ~loved~ writing the 'kidnapping' scene. XP And thanks for stickin' through the whole thing too, StarCats-san! You're too cool! ^-^_

Kymaerachapter:4 @ 06-04-2001 08:27 AM

*glomps Rae-chan and then bounces happily* You finished it; you finally finished it!!!! I checked my email this morning and actually shouted for joy when I was alerted that you had a new chapter published at ff.n. It was ~so~ good. The fact that they kidnapped him and took him to a rest stop and he was still confused at the end and how you tied in the title at the end and how they did get together and... it was just really good. Thank you so much for finsihing it, I really liked the whole thing, even if you did make Izzy a little bit of a headcase. *grins*

_Thanks for stickin' on my case, Ky-san. 'Specially after I pulled the darn thing down. And thanks for looking over the chapters, and for letting me whine incessantly about it to you. I sooo owe you. ^-^ Of course, I still wanna see the next chapter of "Shades of Grey"!! *pouts* _

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Finnychapter:4 @ 06-05-2001 12:04 AM

*huggles* *Great* job, gal-pal! *grin* *Love* it! By the way, is it just me, or were you leaving things nice and open for Joe and Matt to get together? *waggles eyebrows* Knowing you, somehow I *really* doubt it's just me!

_*giggles* Me? A Yamajyou fan? Never! (Yeah right…you couldn't drag me away from that pairing. ^-^) I never really intended for them to be a couple in this universe though. They're just good friends. (And I ~loved~ writing the 'Matt spraying pop on Joe' thing. That was just ~fun~! ^-^) And thanks for stickin' through the whole thing with me too, Finny-san! You're too cool! ^-^_

Thanks again everybody!!! ^-^ 

   [1]: mailto:raegan_1@hotmail.com



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